Monday, December 22, 2008

The Secret Diary Of Major Squick 5b

We return to Major Squick 2 weeks later, during which time he has unsurprisingly achieved nothing.

17 J__ 18__

Despite my best efforts, bandits have robbed several parties of travellers while I have found no trace of them. I have come up with a ruse to capture them inspired by an acquaintance "Sweet" George S__. While acting as a Political Officer on the North West Frontier he found himself being hunted by a group of Pathans. The Pathan is a great hunter and tracker, and S__ knew that in order to slip past them he would have to take extraordinary measures, in this case adopting the local dress of a woman. He had several close shaves and a number of adventures both fortunate and unfortunate while travelling. He eventually arrived at Peshawar, where the sentry would not believe his story until he lifted his skirts!

My stratagem has been to ask for volunteers to dress as women and move slowly and loudly through the hills. Meanwhile I will take the rest of the detachment and set up an ambush at the site where they will camp. When the bandits attack the camp, hoping for easy pickings from defenceless women, they will be taken by surprise by the rifles in the baggage and unable to escape as I will surround them with the rest of the troops.

Bob Parkhurst in particular makes a very convincing woman. This wheeze is so cunning, nothing can go wrong.

Typically, even when attempting to do his job, Major Squick does so in a transgressive way. Sadly it is so outrageous that the bandits would almost certainly fall for it as it will be completely outside their comprehension.

(Major Squick begins here; link to all of Major Squick here. )

10 comments:

Paul A. said...

Nobody seems to have seen fit to comment, either here or at Rixo, so let me be the first to say:

I see what you did thar!

Susan de Guardiola said...

Wait, I don't see what he did. I mean, I see what he did, but I don't see what he did that you see. I don't think.

Paul A. said...

In-jokes tend to be like that: if you're not "in", you don't see them.

And, on the other hand, the reader who happens to recognise the name of the Major's subordinate will recall that there's a reason Bob Parkhurst makes a very convincing woman.

Neil Willcox said...

The cunning wheeze was a bit more blatant in the first draft as well.

Susan de Guardiola said...

(runs in little confused circles)

Susan de Guardiola said...

Okay, I've found Bob Parkhurst, so now I get that part. I hadn't seen the referenced material, which should surprise no one who knows me at all. I still don't get the part about the Major's subordinate.

(I offer further belated snickers for Parkhurst, though!)

Paul A. said...

By "the Major's subordinate", I meant Bob Parkhurst. I was just trying to avoid saying "Bob Parkhurst" too many times in one sentence.

I apologise for the confusion.

Neil Willcox said...

Some rascal seems to have put the entire Blackadder II episode with "Bob" on youtube; not endorsing such antics, I'll point to this clip.

Susan de Guardiola said...

My, those Blackadder clips are addictive. That's a show I must get on DVD.

Susan de Guardiola said...

I had seen bits of Blackadder before, by the way. Just not these particular bits.