Thursday, January 28, 2010

I Messed Up Again


(I have messed up again)

Monday, January 25, 2010

Conversation From Last Week

By Text:

Me: I will wager 300 Quatloos that the Captain will be shirtless by the end of the episode mission.

Jim: 400 Quatloos that the Captain will bang the blue alien chick!

Me: I like those odds!

This will be the best Voyager fanfic ever!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Belated Farewell to Patrick Swayze

One Sunday in New Zealand I caught a bus. The driver put Dirty Dancing onto the Screen. I can't honestly say I'd watched it all the way through before. When it finished the girl[1] behind me said "It's just like Sunday at home."

"Why's that?" Someone asked.

"Every Sunday, when my Mum does the ironing, she puts the video of Dirty Dancing on, and when she's finished, as a treat, she fast forwards to the last scene.

"Every Sunday?"

"Well, about once a month she fancies a change and watches Grease instead."

[1] I say girl, but she seemed to be about 20. And from Scarborough.

Friday, January 22, 2010

I (don't) Cook Food: Steak With Jack Daniels Sauce

(Based loosely on conversations at new year and earlier in the week)

1 Steak of your choice
1 shot of Jack Daniels

Cook the steak to your liking. Eat the steak. Down the Jack Daniels.

If you want Jack Daniels sauce you can make the bloody stuff yourself.

If people are interested, I have recipes for lamb chops with gin sauce, chicken breast with vodka sauce and sausages with some kind of weird Netherlander liqueur sauce.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Conversation of the Week: Text Messages

So Jim and I sometimes text things to each other that are a bit odd. And sometimes it gets more out of control than that. This week:

Me: Jim, is it true that your plan to co-locate a coffee shop and an escort agency went wrong when Stan ordered a tall black americano?

Jim: Yes, with hilarious consequences!

Me: Jim, is it true that your plan to co-locate a coffee shop and an escort agency went wrong when Stan asked for extra salt[1]?

Jim: Yes, with hilarious consequences!

Me: Jim, is it true that your plan to co-locate a coffee shop and an escort agency went wrong when Stan invented a coffee cocktail called "Sweet Monkey Love"[2]?

Jim: Yes, with immoral consequences!

[1] In joke
[2] I imagine it's got lots of sugar and banana syrup in it

Friday, January 08, 2010

It's Like A New Year Post

What better way to start the new year and celebrate a snow day than to endlessly rake over the coals of 2009? So here's what happened on Night of the Hats last year:

- I ate far too much chocolate

- I got a new job

- I made a post with 10 sci-fi pop youtube videos (what on earth would I blog about if there was no youtube[1]?)

- I complained about ignorance of relativity in a cartoon about a photon

- I made a bunch of New Year Resolutions at Spring Equinox (which I mostly haven't kept)

- I "analysed" the relative danger of a variety of threats

- I was sent to pedant's corner

- I prepared for the flupocolypse

- I discovered I'm made entirely of cake

- I watched (and didn't watch) some TV

- I had a funny car numberplate pointed out to me

- I wrote a short steampunk story in which the protagonist loses his trousers (three quarters of the first draft of a Christmas sequel are sitting in a file waiting - if I finish it today I'll set it to automatically appear on, hmm, maybe 17 December?)

- I began a not particularily original or entertaining reread of the James Bond novels and stories

- I took the bold step of endorsing a number one pop record (and not for the first time)

- I codified the rules of Beard Lottery, leading to it's inevitable demise as a game

- I failed to get a dance[2]

- I talked about a conjunction of electropop and fairytales and also about rapping about (and on) toilets

I also had several conversations, recorded some new words, and put up a few recipes. The most common search term ending up here has been "cheese wrapped in bacon" which I'm not actually a very good source for. There have been a total of 82 posts of general nonsense posted here. Well thank goodness it's 2010 is all I can say.

[1] Other video streaming services are available
[2] True Story: The lady in question had taken off her engagement ring while getting changed and forgotten to put it back on. This, it was generally agreed[3] meant she was back on the market. Clearly I shouldn't have pointed out the fag machine to her.
[3] Including her former-and-current fiancé