365 Poems in 365 Days: 80s High School Comedy

Miss Stein cannot be here today
A German biker gang took her away
We think that she went willingly
Until she’s back, I’ll be taking history

Number 318 is this piece of nonsense that could be a scene in a low budget 80s high school comedy, but probably isn't one.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Baby Steps

There’s a full bag of coloured plastic toys
Suitable for little girls and for little boys
But if I want you to sit still then for a start
I’d be better off giving you a tissue to tear apart

Number 317 is why I need to get the vacuum cleaner out.

365 Poems in 365 Days: One Colour of Wine

Met a girl who’s pretty bright
But it seems from what she said
That she thought all wine was white
(Mummy doesn’t drink the red)

316. Girl in this context is 8 years old.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Pantoum about A Pantoum

Is the meaning of the change intentional or not?
A challenge and a wager is given.
I honestly don't think it matters a lot;
Nevertheless my side has been chosen

A challenge and a wager is given,
A side bet on a witty commentary.
Nevertheless my side has been chosen
Further participation unecessary.

A side bet on a witty commentary
With only honour, and not much of that, at stake.
Further participation unecessary
The issue hardly needs to be re-raked.

With only honour, and not much of that, at stake
I honestly don't think it matters a lot.
The issue hardly needs to be re-raked;
Is the change of the meaning intentional or not?

This is number 315. There is context. It is in the comment thread of this post.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Fairy Tales

Someone on the local NaNoWriMo facebook page was sort of taken by surprise one of their characters (almost) came out. As might be expected said character was an elf. I repeat my response here for 314.

If I were an elf and might be gay
I'd be sure to tell you, but not today
Clarity is not in anything I might say
That's the trouble when you deal with the fey.

365 Poems in 365 Day: Tautology Monarch

Tautology Queen
She will say everything twice
But in different words

This is number 313. It is also a haiku.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Heartbreak Hotel

I am left here and my heart is broken
I watch frozen as you walk out the door
I wish I’d never heard those words spoken
From now on you can’t hurt me anymore

I watch frozen, as you walk out the door
It will end soon, of that I have no doubt
From now on you can’t hurt me anymore
If only I knew what this is about

It will end soon of that I have no doubt
I really think that this is for the best
If only I knew what this is about
The blood runs, blade piercing my chest

“I really think that this is for the best.”
I wish I’d never heard those words spoken
The blood runs, blade piercing my chest
I am left here and my heart is broken

Number 312 is not a true story.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Forecasting the Weather Through the Medium of Weather Forecasters

The weather presenter is all in black
I’m pretty sure a storm will attack
The next day she wears a bright pink top
And now the wind and rain will stop
Weather prediction based on presenters’ clothes
Is in it’s early days but the accuracy grows

Number 311. This method of weather prediction is highly inaccurate (for now).

365 Poems in 365 Days: Ideas

I lost my list of poem ideas
It’s frustrating but also freeing
If I look I’m sure I’ll find it near
When I’ve finished my next thought thinking

As predicted, after I composed this in my head I found the sheet to write down this. Number 310.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Lunchbox

What’s in the lunchbox?
A geology kit for hounding rocks?
A forensic kit for finding clues?
Pens and ink, red black and blue?
Some games to play with friends we meet?
Or maybe just something to eat.

I can't help thinking that Lacey Lee, who is probably still hun up on the 90s, probably keeps her crime scene kit in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lunchbox. Poem 309.

365 Poems in 365 Days: So What Is The Monster's Last Name?

Number 308 was conceived as a Hallowe'en poem. I've written pantuns about mermaids, vampires, zombies, ghosts and werewolves, so it seemed time for another monster one. This got, perhaps, a little more intense than expected.

I don’t know why the monster has no name
Now it doesn’t seem such a good idea
In the end it really is quite a shame
I never thought we’d have something to fear

Now it doesn’t seem such a good idea
Out of nothing we have created life
I never thought we’d have something to fear
I failed to cut it off with the knife

Out of nothing we have created life
Inevitably this has lead to death
I failed to cut it off with the knife
From the moment it gasped out it’s first breath

Inevitably this has lead to death
In the end it really is quite a shame
From the moment it gasped out it’s first breath
I don’t know why the monster has no name

365 Poems in 365 Days: Near Miss

Number 307. I wrote this around Hallowe'en which is clearly why I've done two love poems in a row. And by love poems I mean, well:

She is the woman of someone else’s dreams
Walked out into my life it seems
For another person she is perfect
But for me simply suspect
I don’t know what it happening here
It’s not about me that’s pretty clear

365 Poems in 365 Days: End of Love

Number 306 has sat around for a while, but it's time to post it.

I will never say I love you
Until I have to
On the last day
At the last moment
Because until then
How will I know?

365 Poems in 365 Days: Dinner Plans

No chilli
No mushrooms
Absolutely no nuts
Go easy on the cheese
Food requirements
For a dinner party
Make me hungry
Some garlic, herbs
And onions make
The forbidden list
A tasty dish

With the right cheese number 305 would be not just tasty but a vegetarian option too!

365 Poems in 365 Days: Because You're All About Style

The base to Jim’s shed was like a twelve foot stage
At the bottom of his garden, so we performed on it
But afterwards we built a shed so never again
Will anyone see our two man version of Avengers Assemble
In the style of “Shakepeare in the Park”
“Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?”
(His Black Widow brought tears to my eyes)

Number 304 is a. very silly; b. barely a poem; and c. only slightly exaggerated.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Forward Planning

My planning begins with lists
Of things I remembered and things I missed
Lists become diagrams and directions
All moving towards a conclusion

Number 303. 2 weeks out from a dinner party and I'm in full on plaaning mode already.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Shed Construction

Building a shed
When I could instead
Be lying in bed
Watching Velma Daphne and Fred
(Shaggy and Scooby have fled)

Number 302 I improvised while helping a friend build a shed. More on this to come.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Some Kind Of Murder

It is a murder mystery
Clues scattered everywhere you see
I hope our detectives are handy
And not at home watching Glee
Over a nice hot cup of tea

Number 301 introduces this Schneemann piece. This would be the start of a longer story if and when I get around to it.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Every Year

The birthday robot
Is all clanky and lights
The presents it’s got are really quite nice
It’s easy to spot
With the balloons and the kite

Number 300. I may have had a birthday sometime in the last 12 months.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Elf King

I am the Dawnborn’s son, destined to rule
Lord of tunnels and hidden places.
The Elders are mistaken. I should be Elf-King.
I thought them too wise to be blinded
By the claims of bright Alixiana.

My supporters, my faction, are of the noblest
While hers are chaff scattered amongst the fey:
A roguish spy, a terrible black smith,
A silent tree farmer of the North,
Some who have spent centuries with mortals,
Others who follow her like smitten cats,
And that scarred lapdog who pretends
That every thought or action of his
Is not initiated by her
(Rumour says my mother... but no)
It is madness to choose one such as her
Tainted by the very world that threatens us.

I cannot believe it.
I do not believe it.
I should be king.
I will be king.

Number 299 is another Elf poem, a counterpart to this one. It references some of the others. Why not click on this link and read them all in an especially annoying order?

As an endnote, I haven't used any names in my Elf poems until now. I had the feeling that they would consider it rude. Which is why the fellow here has used Alixiana's.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Heist

We have a tricky heist to plot
And see the information - there's quite a lot
I have had a look at all the plans
And read the dossiers of every man
The boxes are carried from vault to truck
Absolutely nothing is left to luck
The vault is sealed with a thousand tumblers
And closes itself to be immune to bunglers
The bars on the window are so very real
And the basement encased in concrete and steel
Closed by unbreakable locks
The weakness, I think, is in the guards lunchbox

Number 298 is about plotting a heist.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Fulham Fans Get Younger Every Year

What's he going to do young Sebastian?
No one knows. No one can.
He could be an accountant or a fireman
He might believe that Greedo shot before Han
Whatever his story, the one that just began
The odds are good he'll be a Fulham fan

(Thomas is a brilliant middle name. I should know, mine is the same)

Number 297. Some friends had a baby.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Perspective

From this perspective
Nothing to see
Not being constructive
No hidden key
Perhaps defective
In saying something of me

Number 296 awkwardly riffs off a creative writing five minute task on perspetive. I wrote this:

One of my first questions when I'm stuck is 'from who (or what or where) am I writing?' This can put the work into focus and highlight the problems I'm having

Of course, it means that I put a layer between me and the work. All my writing is done wearing a disguise, hiding myself behind the words. Even this piece, although right now the mask is paper thin.

365 Poems in 365 Days: More Supervillainary

Beaten by a D-list Hero
Before I committed my crime
I will have a mighty revenge
No prison can hold me
(The judge has just ruled to that effect)

So I will change my name, mask, costume
Join the heroes in the fight against criminals
A member of their team, a loyal comrade
And when at last my identity is revealed
I will tearfully tell of my change of heart

All the time he will watch me
Pry at my secrets, wince at my jokes
Waiting for the betrayal I hint at
The paranoia gnawing away at him
Leaving him a mere shell, and I a heroine

Number 295 is another superhero/villain origin story.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Land On Your Face

It dropped out of space
To land on your face
Then vanish with no trace

Number 294 is not the plot for a Sci-Fi Horror Film.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Pen Name

Got a free pen (it’s not working well)
From an informational meeting about careers
I’ll keep on using it, as far as I can tell
It’s relevant for at least another year

Number 293 is yet another poem about pens not working well. Still, free pens, can't complain etc.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Living Death

The dead outnumber the living
By so many many times
That the necromancer says
It is probably just as well
There is no such thing
As a vivimancer amongst the dead
To summon the living
To serve or answer questions
We would be worn down by the dead
And have no time for our own living

Number 292 is another in my occasional series about a necromancer. If I write another I'll create a label and link to them all.