Tuesday, December 31, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Phoenix

This is poem number 365 of the 365 poems I wrote and posted here in 2013.

I never thought I would see a phoenix,
Feathers brighter than the sun, dagger beak.
Still not sure this isn't one of your tricks,
The supporting evidence is quite weak.

Feathers brighter than the sun, dagger beak,
In the sky it was the highest flyer.
The supporting evidence is quite weak,
Even as you approach the bird's pyre.

In the sky it was the highest flyer.
I've heard the stories and listened to the claims.
Even as you approach the bird's pyre
Will you really arise from out of the flames?

I've heard the stories and listened to the claims.
Still not sure this isn't one of your tricks.
Will you really arise from out of the flames?
I never thought I would see a phoenix.

Monday, December 30, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: 364

 Number 364 has 364 lines. In it I've shoved a lot of my thoughts on this whole 365 poem project. Still, I can't really recommend that anyone read it, so to sum up: 365 is a lot of poems and there are some that are pretty good, and quite a few that are mediocre. Anyway, take it away after the cut.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Break The Fall

Broken glass shines like bloody gemstones
The cut is deep right to the bone
Accidents are worse when on your own

Going to have to climb up the wall
Find the phone and make the call
Regretting the slip and fall

Number 363 just came to mind this afternoon.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Heroics

Number 362 is perhaps a little rough. What is a hero anyway? Maybe we need to ask Bonnie Tyler.

We take our heroes as we find them
Holding evil hordes at bay
Striving to protect the helpless
Doing good while they may

We make our heroes when we can't find them
Ignoring they have feet of clay
Upholding justice, seeking freedom
If not for always then for a day

Can't find or make heroes then we must be them
Do what we can for little pay
Hoping what we have is sufficent
If we ever find ourselves at bay

365 Poems in 365 Days: Love Me For A Reason; Let The Reason Be Love

Number 361. I had the line The reasons we love someone are not always the reasons we would choose hanging about for months and could not write anything that seemed to do anything with it. Now, closing in on a deadline, I came up with something that at least gestures in that direction. I note that choose rhymes with muse and nearly went down that path.

The reasons we love someone are not always the reasons we would choose
The things we miss when they are gone are not things we expected to lose
The world is strange and people stranger and relationships inexplicable
And people value in me things I otherwise find so very trivial

365 Poems in 365 Days: Dinner Party Invitation Apology

Number 360.

I don't think I'll make it out
So I'll send you all my love
Which is really what it's all about
When push comes to shove

(Well that and having dinner
Which I expect will be a winner)

365 Poems in 365 Days: Lovely Grub

Number 359 is about curry evenings.

Eating curry
In a hurry
So hot, I fear
I drank too much beer

365 Poems in 365 Days: Mystery of Mysteries

Number 358 is another letter from Lacey Lee, in reply to this one. All the Lacey Lee, Lady Detective, letters can be found in one place by clicking on this link. Click away! Due to the nature of blogging, the earliest can be found at the bottom and the newest, currently this entry, at the top.

Dear J S Plank
    It seems that fate
Has brought your letter not too late
As I have finished up the cases on my plate
And been stood up on my holiday date
I made the demolition hesitate
Until I had the evidence out the gate
(Some rubbish mixed in, not time to discriminate)
So my thanks; no hard feelings at any rate
From how you tried to discredit me at the Tate
(Still, I should not have taken the bait
Even when Inspector Jones began to berate)
I hope to soon wipe these criminals off the slate
Sincerely, Lacey Lee
  PS I'm sending some cigarettes in a crate
For you to have when it's time to celebrate
My bringing down the man we mutually hate

Monday, December 23, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Smoking For Fun And Profit

I know a woman whose
Cigarette Addiction
Is to smoke nine a day
Every morning she buys
Her favourite in a
Pack of ten, throws one away

Number 357 is about how smoking is big, clever and impresses everyone.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Elf Smith

I could have sworn I wrote, typed and posted this. But I can't find any trace of it. So I've rewritten it, as best I can for number 356. It is an elf-poem, and one of the first two I came up with after writing the original ten. This is of course the 'terrible black smith' from this one. It worked better in my head.

Our treaty with the mortal men
Asks us to deliver one hundred swords.
I undertake to fulfill the obligation.
I ask their captain to see the men they're for.
He laughs and walks away as I watch.
For ten days and nights I labour
Snatching food and sleep as metal cools.
On the afternoon of the tenth day I deliver.
The captain is pleased with the quality.
'Wait' I tell him and hand him the hundred and first.
It leaps from the sheath. easy in his grip,
Well matched to his size, reach and strength.
I watch as he goes through his exercises.
He says it is the finest sword he has ever held.
'I can do better,' I tell him.

A year and a day pass as they do.
I go to visit the captain's camp.
He takes me to watch his company practice.
I smile and promise to return with the new moon
Then hand him another sword.
It is difficult to see where man ends and blade begins
They dance together like partners of centuries.
He tells me this is the finest sword ever made.
'I can do better,' I tell him.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Midwinter Blues

Number 355. The heart of winter often does this to me. See here and here for examples on this very blog.

Oh thank god, things are supposed to get better, brighter
All the days becoming longer and lighter
The ways that the darkness oppresses
Are innumerable around winter solstice
At last we have reached the date
Sun, show yourself. I cannot wait

365 Poems in 365 Days: Firework Party!

I wrote this, number 354, after a fireworks party in November, and never posted it. Until now.

"There may be no minimum safe distance,"
I say, quoting Avengers Assemble on firework's night.
In fact there is but they choose to ignore it.
I stand back and try to enjoy the sight.
The garden's really too small, but it's not my party
Risk versus unpleasantness, I'll always lose that fight

Thursday, December 19, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Oafish Behaviour

I am the clumsiest of oafs.
Where most put one foot wrong, I put both.
Warn me of a hazard and I will always slip
Then laugh it off saying "That was a good trip."

Number 353 is my cackhandedness.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Not A Happy Christmas

I haven't got you a Christmas gift
I apologise for my Christmas thrift
And if it happens you are miffed
I hope there won't be a Christmas rift.

Number 352 riffs off this song which is much funnier.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: That Time Of Year

Apples and Almonds, Sugar and Peel
Raisins and Currents and Suet too
Mixed Spice and Lemon and Dark Rum for real
I will make mincemeat out of you.

Number 351 is not the whole recipe.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Hat-astrophe

The best thing about Christmas
Is you get to wear funny hats
When I say this people stare
Am I the only one who thinks that?

Number 350 is about Christmas and hats. Hats, on this blog? Whatever next.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Fake Bacon

Not every food can be improved by bacon bits
But today I’m not going to waste the spit
To talk about things that don’t go with bacon
Even some vegetarians use substitute ‘fake-on’

Number 349 is about bacon.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Bad Places

I enjoy places that suck
Boring, stupid and wanting your money
They don't pretend to give a fuck
Afterwards I'm always telling that story

Number 348 is about tacky over-prices over-hyped tourist spots. They're great! Not while you're there, but afterwards. Because moaning and complaining are some of my favourite things!

Friday, December 13, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: North West Limericks

There was a young lady from Barrow-in-Furness
Who has got into a bit of a mess
She’s had a few drinks
Ended head first in a sink
And is asleep in your bed I confess

Number 347, and posted on day 347. Am I up to date? Why yes, yes I am.

Someone was saying that the trick with Limericks was to pick and easy place to rhyme in the first line, "not like Barrow-in-Furness". Obviously I scribbled out a version of this in the next five minutes.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Beer Ordering

Writing circle pub often has Gadd’s beers on pump
I like to order the She Sell Sea Shells (not just for a stunt)
No Gadd’s last night so I had Castle Rock’s Harvest Pale
But kept calling it Harvest Gold. Beer naming fail.

Number 346 is how last night went terribly, horribly wrong. "Did you mean the Harvest Pale?" How I shudder when I recall those words.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Obligatory Christmas Stuff

Number 345 was for last night's writer's circle, where the theme was Xmas. I was stuck, so wrote this! The title is not 100% accurate.

I Couldn’t Come Up With Anything Christmassy So I Wrote About Not Having Anything To Say About Christmas

I don’t have anything to say about
Christmas that a hundred thousand people
Haven’t already said sometime this week.
Many of them with better words than I
Would use. In all, perhaps I should just go
Right back to basics, try to find and seek
The true meaning. Christ’s birthday. Well not his
Actual birthday. A celebration of
Some possible messianic mystique.

Alright there’s more. The whole family get
Together. Sending cards, and the presents.
Good choice, bad choice. It’s a matter of luck.
There will be eating and drinking galore.
An enormous roast dinner (not turkey;
For reasons I won’t give we’re having duck).
At some point I’ll have drunk far too much booze,
But maybe this time I won’t regret it,
Stay unhungover, not run amuck.

December grows older and the nights draw
In. For once I seem to have the shopping
Pretty sorted and not left it too late.
Is it really two weeks to go? If I
Believed the adverts and the music I
Would think it was already at the date.
As I said I don’t really have much
To say about Christmas. Maybe I should
Just stay quiet wait for New Year’s clean slate.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Inconvenient

I have a secret somewhat regrettable
It may make your enjoyment of these impossible
More ideas appear on the toilet than is comfortable

Number 344 is just how it is.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Got Off Lightly

Fortunately we weren’t affected by the flood
Mostly channelled away by flood defence
The quay is a lake in a sea of mud
And the playground has lost it’s fence

Number 343 commemorates the tidal surge.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Hosting Parties

One hopes that people are at their ease
And the food and talk make them pleased
By the time we put away the cheese

Number 342 is my aim for dinner parties. What do you mean there was no cheese? Argh!

365 Poems in 365 Days: Emotional Shutdown

Tears the only answer
To facts we cannot escape
I will never be
The person who can relate

This out of context scrap has been brought out for number 341.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Food Miles

November’s not the best time for fresh ingredients
Even here in the garden of Kent
Who knows from where this food has been sent?

Number 340, food again! Ironically the apple and blackberry crumble I served at my recent dinner party came from my parents tree and bush, but had been frozen. I don't know how well that adds up; local but not fresh?

365 Poems in 365 Days: Winter Rules, Summer Drools

As brown replaces green
The dieback of the plants
This I have always seen
As a welcome development

Number 339 is a love letter to winter.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Second Rule of Dinner Parties

I’m cooking up some kind of stew
And with it noodles or baked potatoes will do
Should fill you up, stick to ribs like glue

Number 338 is a plan, I suppose.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Winter, Yay!

Winter’s sharp edge tries to intrude
But I am ready for the arrival of cold
Darkness, rain, freezing air match my mood
Season’s fingers don’t my icy heart hold

Number 337 is about how it's always good when the weather matches your mood!

365 Poems in 365 Days: Dinner Parties Are Rad!

Some use the opportunity to flirt
Others use the words to wound and hurt
At the end of the meal they’ll get their just desserts

Number 336. I had intended to write some amusing rhymes for a dinner party, but it turned dark almost immediately. More to come!

365 Poems in 365 Days: TV Superheroes

Who is this Barry Allen
On TV’s Arrow, making quite a dash;
Felicity seems to like him but
I think he’ll be gone in a flash

Some actual, real superpowers made their appearance on Arrow this week, not just crazy archery and ninja skills. Also Barry Allen, whoever he is, and these two things are definitely not related. If you don't do comic book in jokes, then ignore this, number 335.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Soup

Making soup that’s filling or cheap
Use old veg or new, any day of the week
Which makes me unhappy to serve to guests
No matter how good, doesn’t feel like the best

Number 334 is about soup.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Do Elves Love Trees Or Are They Just Good Friends?

I farm the trees of this forest
For my brothers and sisters
In this cold Northern clime
They grow so slowly
Not at all in the winter months
Quickly in the long summer days
The wood of the evergreens is prized
For their tools, furniture and carvings
Boats, ships and longhouses
And their bows and spearshafts

Should we strip the forest to save the world?
What good is the world without my trees?
Your lord is not my lord
Still less is he my king
And I would not fulfil this order if he is chosen
Tell him I will make the choice
Of how much I must sacrifice
To feed the needs of this war
And if the world burns for lack of timber
I take full responsibility
As I have always done
These many centuries for the woods

Number 333 is another Elf Poem. It picks up a stray line from the previous one, and runs with it. Want more elf poems? Then click here.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Birthday Gloves

I got some new gloves
Which I very much love
For my October birthday
I won’t put them away
Until spring comes to an end
(I’ll keep them to hand even then)

I don't have a lot to say for this, number 332.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Boxing (Not) Clever

What’s in the box
Is it a rock
Or socks
A pair of crocs
A set of blocks
Or something that mocks
What’s in the box?

Number 331 is about boxes. The tutor in our creative writing group brought in a wrapped box and we riffed off it in class, five minutes for each. Here are my two:

The box will never be opened.

It was left by someone, at some point, during the disasterous New Year party. Who, John and Mary never saw. Was it a relative who wouldn't talk to them again? Or a friend too embarrassed to refer to the events.

It got cleared away into a bag with the Christmas decorations.

I am silence and shadow and cannot be seen by mortal eyes. I am the secret darkness in your heart. Trapped in the box since the light of creation lit up the sky I have been kept from the world. Now, though, I have been given as time's most terrible gift. When you open it - and open it you will - it will seem as though the box is empty, but you will never forget it.

Number 2 riffs off some of my elf poems, and Pandora's box too. I'm not totally happy with that, but "time's most terrible gift" is a phrase that needs to be used again.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Watch Out!

My watch tells the time to the end of my watch
Does it tick slower if I watch or not?
I watch the watch until the watch ends its watch
There’s not much to watch so I watch it a lot

Number 330 is rather silly, and an introduction to this five minute task from my creative writing class.

I break watches. When I was growing up I never knew where the ends of my arms were. Even now I often get home to discover scrapes and bruises on my knuckles and no idea how they got there. Watches suffer worse.

When I left my job, my colleagues gave me a watch. It had a raised metal edge, so no matter how wildy I swung it, the glass face was protected. I wore it climbing rocks in Australia, crossing mountain passes in New Zealand and cycling across France, and there wasn't a scratch on it.

Four years after I was given it, the strap broke.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Quite a Pickle

They bite, they sting,
They make a great crunching
With sandwiches or meat
They are something of a treat
I may cry, just a little
As you give those onions a pickle

Number 329 is for the pickling process. Vinegar AND onions? Do they WANT me to cry?

Monday, December 09, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: I Know I Know You, But Who Are You?

Meeting people I haven’t seen for years
I know who they are, just can’t say the name
It all returns shortly after we part

I just go blank okay? Sorry about that. Number 328.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Earoplane

The Earoplane. Does it fly? Does it listen?
When the rain falls on it, does it glisten?
Is it simply a result of a silly mistyping?
Or part of a fleet of drones sent to intercept skypeing?
An airfoil shape studded with ears.
I happen to think this a brilliant idea.

Sad to say, the earoplane, subject of number 327, is just a typo.

365 Poems in 365 Years: Poetry Day!

Writing on games for national poetry day
So I suppose it’s words which we’re going to play
Hidden meanings and allusions in all that we say
Strangers, confused, look on in dismay
Will it make sense? I think that it may.

Wrote this for creative writing classwork. It's on games as that was the topic for national poetry day two years ago. I am well up to date, me.

I wrote a poem for the Poetry Society competition, actually on water, this years topic, but sadly it will be disqualified if I 'publish' it here before the announcement date (March sometime?) thereby forfeiting my entry fee. Which means I wrote a poem but can't put it up here and count it towards the 365. Great planning! It also makes this one number 326.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Pie Eyed

May I ply you with some pie?
Or pie you with some ply?
It this cooking or DIY
Or slapstick straight in the eye?

Number 325 is the kind of thing that happens when I make a pie.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Melancholy Non-Communication

I write my words to you on the wind
I kiss like I mean it when you’re not there
I say what I mean only never
You see I am foolish or clever
You go I know not where
Your feelings cannot be pinned

Number 324. I don't quite know where this came from. On an unrealted note, why is my personal life always such a mess?

Sunday, December 08, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Winter Sun

The so meagre hours of winter daylight
And half the horizon burns my eyes so bright
The low sun almost makes me wish for night

The sun comes out, but at this time of year it is so low it shines straight in my eyes. Love you too winter! Number 323.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Beard Poetry

My beard has grown and is looking a bit wild
It might shock or scare a passing tiny child
I would like to give it a bit of a trim
But the scissors have vanished somewhere within

Number 322 is an exaggeration. I have never actually lost anything in my beard.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Holding Grudges

I said they have grudges to hold
But that statement is probably oversold
Fairer would be that they let
Themselves forgive better than forget

Does this speak for itself? I hope so. Number 321.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Poem About A Poem That I Am Not Posting Here For The Moment

I wrote a love poem or
Perhaps a goodbye that
Ended it all but before
I publish something intimate
I will allow quite some time
To pass and finally draw a line

I wrote an ode for creative writing that, for now at least, I'm not posting here. Instead here's a poem about that ode and why I'm not posting it. Number 320.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Uncomfortable Compliments

If I told you every time I thought that you were beautiful
I’m pretty sure that very soon one of us would be uncomfortable.
We have separate lives and you certainly don’t need my approval.
But I’ll say this once: You look good and happy. That’s reasonable.

Have I ever told you were beautiful and then it was awkward? Sorry about that. Number 319.

I had had a clever adventy plan, but instead decided to go all NaNoWriMo in November, finally typing out the end yesterday (Saturday 7 December). Time to catch up!

Friday, November 22, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: 80s High School Comedy

Miss Stein cannot be here today
A German biker gang took her away
We think that she went willingly
Until she’s back, I’ll be taking history

Number 318 is this piece of nonsense that could be a scene in a low budget 80s high school comedy, but probably isn't one.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Baby Steps

There’s a full bag of coloured plastic toys
Suitable for little girls and for little boys
But if I want you to sit still then for a start
I’d be better off giving you a tissue to tear apart

Number 317 is why I need to get the vacuum cleaner out.

365 Poems in 365 Days: One Colour of Wine

Met a girl who’s pretty bright
But it seems from what she said
That she thought all wine was white
(Mummy doesn’t drink the red)

316. Girl in this context is 8 years old.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Pantoum about A Pantoum

Is the meaning of the change intentional or not?
A challenge and a wager is given.
I honestly don't think it matters a lot;
Nevertheless my side has been chosen

A challenge and a wager is given,
A side bet on a witty commentary.
Nevertheless my side has been chosen
Further participation unecessary.

A side bet on a witty commentary
With only honour, and not much of that, at stake.
Further participation unecessary
The issue hardly needs to be re-raked.

With only honour, and not much of that, at stake
I honestly don't think it matters a lot.
The issue hardly needs to be re-raked;
Is the change of the meaning intentional or not?

This is number 315. There is context. It is in the comment thread of this post.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Fairy Tales

Someone on the local NaNoWriMo facebook page was sort of taken by surprise one of their characters (almost) came out. As might be expected said character was an elf. I repeat my response here for 314.

If I were an elf and might be gay
I'd be sure to tell you, but not today
Clarity is not in anything I might say
That's the trouble when you deal with the fey.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Day: Tautology Monarch

Tautology Queen
She will say everything twice
But in different words

This is number 313. It is also a haiku.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Heartbreak Hotel

I am left here and my heart is broken
I watch frozen as you walk out the door
I wish I’d never heard those words spoken
From now on you can’t hurt me anymore

I watch frozen, as you walk out the door
It will end soon, of that I have no doubt
From now on you can’t hurt me anymore
If only I knew what this is about

It will end soon of that I have no doubt
I really think that this is for the best
If only I knew what this is about
The blood runs, blade piercing my chest

“I really think that this is for the best.”
I wish I’d never heard those words spoken
The blood runs, blade piercing my chest
I am left here and my heart is broken

Number 312 is not a true story.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Forecasting the Weather Through the Medium of Weather Forecasters

The weather presenter is all in black
I’m pretty sure a storm will attack
The next day she wears a bright pink top
And now the wind and rain will stop
Weather prediction based on presenters’ clothes
Is in it’s early days but the accuracy grows

Number 311. This method of weather prediction is highly inaccurate (for now).

365 Poems in 365 Days: Ideas

I lost my list of poem ideas
It’s frustrating but also freeing
If I look I’m sure I’ll find it near
When I’ve finished my next thought thinking

As predicted, after I composed this in my head I found the sheet to write down this. Number 310.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Lunchbox

What’s in the lunchbox?
A geology kit for hounding rocks?
A forensic kit for finding clues?
Pens and ink, red black and blue?
Some games to play with friends we meet?
Or maybe just something to eat.

I can't help thinking that Lacey Lee, who is probably still hung up on the 90s, probably keeps her crime scene kit in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lunchbox. Poem 309.

Sunday, November 03, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: So What Is The Monster's Last Name?

Number 308 was conceived as a Hallowe'en poem. I've written pantuns about mermaids, vampires, zombies, ghosts and werewolves, so it seemed time for another monster one. This got, perhaps, a little more intense than expected.

I don’t know why the monster has no name
Now it doesn’t seem such a good idea
In the end it really is quite a shame
I never thought we’d have something to fear

Now it doesn’t seem such a good idea
Out of nothing we have created life
I never thought we’d have something to fear
I failed to cut it off with the knife

Out of nothing we have created life
Inevitably this has lead to death
I failed to cut it off with the knife
From the moment it gasped out it’s first breath

Inevitably this has lead to death
In the end it really is quite a shame
From the moment it gasped out it’s first breath
I don’t know why the monster has no name

365 Poems in 365 Days: Near Miss

Number 307. I wrote this around Hallowe'en which is clearly why I've done two love poems in a row. And by love poems I mean, well:

She is the woman of someone else’s dreams
Walked out into my life it seems
For another person she is perfect
But for me simply suspect
I don’t know what it happening here
It’s not about me that’s pretty clear

365 Poems in 365 Days: End of Love

Number 306 has sat around for a while, but it's time to post it.

I will never say I love you
Until I have to
On the last day
At the last moment
Because until then
How will I know?

Friday, November 01, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Dinner Plans

No chilli
No mushrooms
Absolutely no nuts
Go easy on the cheese
Food requirements
For a dinner party
Make me hungry
Some garlic, herbs
And onions make
The forbidden list
A tasty dish

With the right cheese number 305 would be not just tasty but a vegetarian option too!

365 Poems in 365 Days: Because You're All About Style

The base to Jim’s shed was like a twelve foot stage
At the bottom of his garden, so we performed on it
But afterwards we built a shed so never again
Will anyone see our two man version of Avengers Assemble
In the style of “Shakepeare in the Park”
“Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?”
(His Black Widow brought tears to my eyes)

Number 304 is a. very silly; b. barely a poem; and c. only slightly exaggerated.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Forward Planning

My planning begins with lists
Of things I remembered and things I missed
Lists become diagrams and directions
All moving towards a conclusion

Number 303. 2 weeks out from a dinner party and I'm in full on planning mode already.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Shed Construction

Building a shed
When I could instead
Be lying in bed
Watching Velma Daphne and Fred
(Shaggy and Scooby have fled)

Number 302 I improvised while helping a friend build a shed. More on this to come.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Some Kind Of Murder

It is a murder mystery
Clues scattered everywhere you see
I hope our detectives are handy
And not at home watching Glee
Over a nice hot cup of tea

Number 301 introduces this Schneemann piece. This would be the start of a longer story if and when I get around to it.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Every Year

The birthday robot
Is all clanky and lights
The presents it’s got are really quite nice
It’s easy to spot
With the balloons and the kite

Number 300. I may have had a birthday sometime in the last 12 months.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Elf King

I am the Dawnborn’s son, destined to rule
Lord of tunnels and hidden places.
The Elders are mistaken. I should be Elf-King.
I thought them too wise to be blinded
By the claims of bright Alixiana.

My supporters, my faction, are of the noblest
While hers are chaff scattered amongst the fey:
A roguish spy, a terrible black smith,
A silent tree farmer of the North,
Some who have spent centuries with mortals,
Others who follow her like smitten cats,
And that scarred lapdog who pretends
That every thought or action of his
Is not initiated by her
(Rumour says my mother... but no)
It is madness to choose one such as her
Tainted by the very world that threatens us.

I cannot believe it.
I do not believe it.
I should be king.
I will be king.

Number 299 is another Elf poem, a counterpart to this one. It references some of the others. Why not click on this link and read them all in an especially annoying order?

As an endnote, I haven't used any names in my Elf poems until now. I had the feeling that they would consider it rude. Which is why the fellow here has used Alixiana's.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Heist

We have a tricky heist to plot
And see the information - there's quite a lot
I have had a look at all the plans
And read the dossiers of every man
The boxes are carried from vault to truck
Absolutely nothing is left to luck
The vault is sealed with a thousand tumblers
And closes itself to be immune to bunglers
The bars on the window are so very real
And the basement encased in concrete and steel
Closed by unbreakable locks
The weakness, I think, is in the guards lunchbox

Number 298 is about plotting a heist.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Fulham Fans Get Younger Every Year

What's he going to do young Sebastian?
No one knows. No one can.
He could be an accountant or a fireman
He might believe that Greedo shot before Han
Whatever his story, the one that just began
The odds are good he'll be a Fulham fan

(Thomas is a brilliant middle name. I should know, mine is the same)

Number 297. Some friends had a baby.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Perspective

From this perspective
Nothing to see
Not being constructive
No hidden key
Perhaps defective
In saying something of me

Number 296 awkwardly riffs off a creative writing five minute task on perspetive. I wrote this:

One of my first questions when I'm stuck is 'from who (or what or where) am I writing?' This can put the work into focus and highlight the problems I'm having

Of course, it means that I put a layer between me and the work. All my writing is done wearing a disguise, hiding myself behind the words. Even this piece, although right now the mask is paper thin.

Monday, October 21, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: More Supervillainary

Beaten by a D-list Hero
Before I committed my crime
I will have a mighty revenge
No prison can hold me
(The judge has just ruled to that effect)

So I will change my name, mask, costume
Join the heroes in the fight against criminals
A member of their team, a loyal comrade
And when at last my identity is revealed
I will tearfully tell of my change of heart

All the time he will watch me
Pry at my secrets, wince at my jokes
Waiting for the betrayal I hint at
The paranoia gnawing away at him
Leaving him a mere shell, and I a heroine

Number 295 is another superhero/villain origin story.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Land On Your Face

It dropped out of space
To land on your face
Then vanish with no trace

Number 294 is not the plot for a Sci-Fi Horror Film.

Friday, October 18, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Pen Name

Got a free pen (it’s not working well)
From an informational meeting about careers
I’ll keep on using it, as far as I can tell
It’s relevant for at least another year

Number 293 is yet another poem about pens not working well. Still, free pens, can't complain etc.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Living Death

The dead outnumber the living
By so many many times
That the necromancer says
It is probably just as well
There is no such thing
As a vivimancer amongst the dead
To summon the living
To serve or answer questions
We would be worn down by the dead
And have no time for our own living

Number 292 is another in my occasional series about a necromancer. If I write another I'll create a label and link to them all.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Spanish Weather

The rain in Spain
I don’t have to explain
The weather here
Is not so clear

Number 291 is all about the weather.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Astronaut Boy

See the flying astronaut boy
Rockets and rayguns are his toys
Hurtling through space his great joy

Number 290 came from a creative writing class task where we were given a picture. I wrote the following:

Astronaut Boy was late for space school. His dog, Meteor had hidden his helmet.

I really hope that we had less than 5 minutes to do that.

Monday, October 14, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Nature's Wallflowers

I’m standing by the wall
Not talking at all
Resembling a sunflower
That’s been cowed by all the glowers

Number 289 exists because I had the word Wallflower scribbled down in my list of ideas for so many weeks I forget where it came from.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Looking At The Channel

I can see France
Despite the clouds
No rain enshrouds
Far away sunbeams dance

Number 288. Was on the front at Dover last Wednesday and there were low and really exciting clouds, but it was clear enought to see all the way to France. Pretty cool.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: The Boringest of Boring Accountancy

These are the least exciting accounts I have ever seen
Perhaps not enough invested, too much in the bank
Expenses and income much as they’ve always been
The long term plan is all to thank

Number 287. Boring accounts are good for almost every human-scale organisation I've been involved with.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Crazy Magic

To perform magic is to know madness
Reads the sign above the necromancer’s door
And inside, from what I saw,
He barely exaggerates I confess

Number 286 is about the link between magic and madness which is generally understated in modern fantasy. I blame Tolkien.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Operatic Investigation

Opera and investigation
A heady if peculiar mix
I follow up on the situation
But maybe that dilutes the tricks

1. This is poem 285 which I am posting on day 285 of the year. So this is on target for the first time since 10 January.

2. This poem introduces a piece on eavesdropping for my creative writing class. This is the homework which followed this classwork. As is probably clear I didn't continue what I started.

3. "Follow up on the situation" - I have 10 000 words of a science fiction horror story riffing off the following piece sitting on my hard drive which I intend to go back to. Now I'm up to date with the poetry I might even have the mental capacity to go for it tomorrow!

365 Poems in 365 Days: Happy Returns

Millie’s got one year
I’ve got thirty eight
Mille wins because she’s cuter
I’m the one we love to hate
Still I guess one thing’s clear
This is a most auspicious date

Number 284 is about my birthday, and also Millie's as we were born on the same day 37 years apart.

Friday, October 11, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Related to Elves

I am your mother’s sister’s lover’s brother’s daughter
Family relationships are important to the fey
I have urgent news to avoid another slaughter
We must flee and plan to fight another day

Family relationships are important to the fey
These clan bonds are what must keep us now
We must flee and plan to fight another day
Hoping this defeat does not our spirits cow

These clan bonds are what must keep us now
But I don’t know if they are strong enough to hold
Hoping this defeat does not our spirits cow
We are not strangers so we can be bold

But I don’t know if they are strong enough to hold
I have urgent news to avoid another slaughter
We are not strangers so we can be bold
I am your mother’s sister’s lover’s brother’s daughter

Number 283 is another Elf Poem, and another Pantun. Also finally a use for the family trees in the back of the elf novel I'm never going to write.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Do Dragons Dream Of Electric Voices?

The voice recognition software’s called Dragon
So in the computer is there a virtual lizard?
What kind of hardware does in need to run on?
And is that why they call it a set up wizard?

Number 282 is all about the fact I scribbled down Dragon Voice Recognition in some unrelated notes. Six months ago. And I couldn't let it go.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Another Mystery To Share

Lacey Lee you caught me fair and square
Although I think it was kind of a nightmare
That the stolen goods were really rare
And the paint had captured a forensic hair
(I don’t understand the clue of the extra bus fare)
Still, I hope you’re feeling up for a dare
As other crimes I have witness to bear
But wish to avoid the mastermind’s stare
So look at the evidence with plenty of care
J S Plank
PS first look under the stair
Which should lead you to the villain’s lair

Number 281 continues the saga of Lacey Lee. Will she rise to the challenge?

365 Poems in 365 Days: Love Letter To A Love Letter About London

My friend wrote a long and interesting story
Which described his love of the city through
The medium of a London bike journey
I am reminded of touristish things to do

(It appeared in the stream of his facebook
So you might not be able to take a look)

Number 280. It's here, if you can see it.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Unasked For Sequel

Foggy morning
Horses coming
Hoofbeats hearing
Not yet appearing

Number 279 introduces a piece of writing that is a sequel to this piece. I note that I wrote each piece for a different writing group, which currently have no overlap in members. In other words the infinitesimal chance that anyone would notice that they correspond to A Night At The Opera and A Day At The Races, which are Marx Brothers films and Queen albums was reduced to nothing.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: I Don't Think Inheritance Works Like That

The lawyer asked I attend the reading of a will
I had nothing better to do than
Turn up, so I was surprised still
When I was left the job of henchman

Number 278 is about unexpected legacies.

365 Poems in 365 Days: National Poetry Day (Was Last Week)

National Poetry Day this year was on the topic of water
But time flowed by so I missed the whole event
I ought to have at least tried; I can do better
Still no need to cry. That’s not what it meant.

Number 277 is about how I was all over National Poetry Day like wheels on a fish.

365 Poems in 365 Days: The 90s Were Rad

Into Plath, socialism and silver
Says the old personal ad
So poetry, politics and whatever
Back then we were crazy mad

The first line is stolen, with love, from an old personal ad. It's on the Facebook so you probably can't see it. Number 276.

365 Poems in 365 Days: I Blame Baz Luhrman

Hey sister, go sister
Thinking on the Moulin Rouge
I’ve never been there mister
I’m told it’s pretty huge

Number 275 is based on this piece I wrote in class based on a picture of the Moulin Rouge. I'm quoting Lady Marmalade because of the 2001 film.

It's a red windmill which is a strange place to put a strip club. I assume they took the machinary out. It became notorious during the belle epoque, time before the Great War, but this picture is later from the vehicles. Paris at midnight?

365 Poems in 365 Days: Self Referential

I’m slacking off, missing days
As though I’ve run out of poems today
From this dead horse, the skin has been flayed

Number 274. Look, this is a poem about how I don't write poems and that I've written most of my interesting topics into the ground. This kind of thing amuses me. Deal with it.

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: TV Is My Mistress

TV will always break your heart
Because if you love a show and it goes away
Before it has begun a decline
You’re left thinking it should restart
But if it goes on beyond it’s natural days
You will wonder why you didn’t see the signs

Number 273 is slightly incoherent about my point and not very good as poetry. Pretty par for the course then I suppose.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Courtesan Disaster

Writing group met again
The course needed, we decided then
Was “How to be a courtesan”

Number 272. Our topic was sex and some day I'll post the thing I wrote for it but not today. I could explain the context but, probably better not to.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Seen on Dover Priory Railway Station

There was a woman with a tiny dog
Also dragging a suitcase on wheels
One or the other is about okay
But both at once breaks the deal

Number 271 is about minor annoyances.

365 Poems in 365 Days: How Do Computers Work Anyway?


Number 270. I was taught two contradictory ways to use the Caps Lock and so often fumble with it.

365 Poems in 365 Days: I Actually Don't Really Know What I Look Like

In the mirror I have to concentrate
To see my face as a whole
I usually look at the detailed traits
The total so familiar, I lose sight of the goal

Number 269 is how I check my face in the mirror. Do I have anything stuck to it? Is my hair mad? No? Good to go! What do you mean I should look at the totality of it?

If I'm to believe blogger this is my 1000th post on this blog.  Time to take a look back at my first post.

Hopefully, this blog will never have anything of interest in it, and, even if I make a mistake and it does, only three people will ever read it. Which begs the question of why I'm doing this.

Yep, pretty much still true after 7 years.

Monday, October 07, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Tea

I wrote this while making cups of tea
One black Assam, the other is milky
A poem about hot drinks soon to come
Now extracted from the piece it originally came from

Number 268 is made of the bits left over after I cut up the previous one. Umm tea.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Not The Poem It Was

This may or may not be the poem you expect
It’s not the one where my feelings are told
The words on the page conceal the subject
I won’t say if it’s too boring or bold

It’s not the one where my feelings are told
The text is the surface that clearly reveals
I won’t say if it’s too boring or bold
Nothing for me; that’s part of the deal

The text is the surface that clearly reveals
A piece that says nothing about what’s to come
Nothing for me, that’s part of the deal
Add up the cost, total the sum

A piece that says nothing about what’s to come
The words on the page conceal the subject
Add up the cost, total the sum
This may or may not be the poem you expect

Number 267 was originally a pantun about making tea. No, seriously. Then I surgically removed all the tea references and replace them with mystery and it was much better. Number 268 is constructed from the lines about making tea.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Overhearing

Conversation overheard
Because they’re shouting every word
It’s taken an odd turn
That’s not something I want to learn

Number 266 introduces this classroom task from creative writing on the topic of overhearing or eavesdropping.

What's that on your hand?
No, what is it?
It's a map of Ireland I drew during maths. That's Killkenny.
No the other hand.
Oh, it's the magic ring from when we dug up the treasure chest yesterday.
It's magic? What does it do?
I don't know.
So how do you know it's magic?
I just do. It's better than the necklace John found. He gave it to Mel and it was all pink and purple, and she just looked really stupid.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Chores

Made a phone call and it didn’t go wrong
So happy that I could break into song
But I’m not too enthusiastic with my thanks
Because now I have to go to the bank

Number 265 is all about my occasional bouts of insecurity.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Cleaning

Visitors coming so clean the bathroom
Even if it takes all afternoon
(Sparkling toilet, sink and shower
All done in a quarter of an hour)

Number 264 is mostly true.

Sunday, October 06, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Think Of The Children

Theatre and children
A dangerous combination
Get them early, get them hooked
Have them act out stuff from books
Admittedly it’s not that cheap
Until you watch them laugh and weep

Number 263 is the introduction to a piece I wrote for class for and about children.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Fun WITH names, Not Making Fun Of Names

Here’s some names I find fun to say:
From Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, Melinda May
I love to say “Marceline”
When Adventure Time features the vampire queen
My own creation Lacey Lee
Has a rhythm that makes me pretty happy
(If I thought this list needed a man
I’d give a shout out to my friend Stan)

Number 262. Everyone should have a name that's fun to say!

365Poems in 365 Days: Coffee

Dad has a new coffee machine
That sounds as though it’s farting
I’m not sure that’s a sound I like
To hear when the morning’s starting.

Number 261. Nespresso Pixie apparently.

365 Poems in 365 Days: The Wild Look

Looking slightly louche as I go to visit the accountant
Despite the morning’s testimony I wasn’t up all night
I just look slightly rough; as though trampled by an elephant
All the imperfections shown by unforgiving sunlight

Number 260. My hair was a bit rough and the shirt might have been improved by being ironed. Mostly though, this is an excuse to use the word louche.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Kids Comics Review

Number 259 is an acrostic review of a kids comic book.

Maybe you’ve not heard of Adventure Time
A cartoon about Jake the Dog and Finn the Human who
Roam the land of Ooo having, well, adventures. If that’s the
Case you might be adrift here – this is a spinoff with
Everything revolving around Marceline, a vampire who
Loves rock and roll. Her band in popular but disorganised.
In steps Princess Bubblegum as their manager to
Navigate the shoals of rock stardom, leaving her
Everyday job as ruler of the Candy Kingdom for a while.

All this could be a trainwreck, but the publisher
(Not a big one but Boom! Studios) choice of Meredith Gran to write and
Draw is the correct one. Each episode is one adventure/gig

That links to the next with the big climax being about
How the tensions of the tour have taken their toll on
Everyone and also the power of friendship (without quite being

Sugary-sweet to the point of being sickening.)
Confirmed Adventure Time fans I suggest you
Run, don’t walk to the shop and buy it now.
Everyone buy one! Other people, this is not really
A good introduction, but it’s fun and suitable
(Mostly) for kids, while still being clever and funny.

Quite by chance, adding this to my purchase
Upgraded my complimentary gift to a book bag.
Even though it’s not an Adventure Time one, still SCORE!
Enough fanboying about this; I love it, it’s
Neat, maybe you can borrow it if I
See you. The setting is fantasy, the characters are real.

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Not a True Story

Here are some things that are not true:
This train journey is a pain
I am tired of the colour blue
I’m not worried that my jacket’s stained
The woman on the phone is fascinating
I’m perfectly happy with the people in this carriage
The sun through the window is excruciating
Whoever she’s talking to is contemplating marriage
The guy without a ticket is not annoying at all
The vibration is an unpleasant sensation
My writing has run straight into a brick wall
The next stop is not my station

Based in part on a train journey I took, this is number 258.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Red Sky In The Morning, Means I'm Going To Be Yawning

The sun, blood red
Menaces the land
As it rises up and
Is there something a proverb said?

Number 257 is about getting up in the morning.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Meeting

Going to a meeting
Sure I’ve forgotten something
This feeling will be fleeting
Unless it’s an important thing

Number 256 is how I feel all the time. Unless I have no meetings.

365 Poems in 365 Days: There Will Always Be A Poem In Winterfell

The children of summer have never know the cold and dark
And I’m not talking about Bran and Arya Stark
I mean the kids I know born since year’s beginning
How can I tell them that winter is coming?

Number 255 is a bit Song of Ice and Fire, or Game of Thrones. Take your pick.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Time Passes

Is out of sight
Will come too soon

Number 254 is self-evident.

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Not Writing Sherlock Holmes

If I ever wrote a story of Sherlock Holmes
It would be one he solves with his big head dome
Without even leaving his own armchair
“Watson – fetch me The Times. It’s over there.”

Number 253 is true, apart from the fact that I have no intention of writing a Holmes story. Nevertheless I still contend that every collection of Holmes stories should have a mystery that Holmes solves without leaving his rooms, or preferably his chair.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Cowardice is not Bravery

“If he is brave, he cannot be a coward,”
I’m not sure that this is something I agree
The context – a duel that does not take place, I heard
Makes some sense of it I see

Number 252 is me riffing off a line that struck me in The Count of Monte Cristo.

365 Poems in 365 Days: The Candle Burns At Both Ends

Late to bed, early to rise
The sunlight is burning my eyes
I hate the sound of seagull cries
Maybe this wasn’t a smart thing to try

Number 251 is a really bad habit.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Introduction

To an interview
In appearance

Number 250 is really an introduction to this fictionalised piece I wrote in class back in January. This was the in class piece on the topic of new starts. Other pieces based on this can be found here, here and finally here which also explains why this topic has turned into four poems eventually.

Reception looks more like a corporate office than a school. Maybe they always did and I just wasn't paying attention.

"Hello," I say to the woman at the desk. "Neil Willcox, here to see Jenny Anderson."

At her suggestion I take a seat. I wait just long enough to feel uncomfortable.

"Neil! Good to meet you." She has the Australian accent I heard on the phone, and a pink and black dress that none of the teachers I had at school would have worn.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Authority Over The Dead

He is the necromancer
The afterlife trancer
The ghost dancer
Where blood has been shed
He speaks to the dead
And records what they said
This dark sorcery
Has great utility
So we treat him tolerably.

Number 249 is about the social stigma attracted by talking to the dead, especially if they reply.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Wedding Stories

The bow and the curtsey say more than a kiss
It’s her first dance after turning to Mrs from Miss
It’s clear that this is a promise and a wish

True story from a friend's wedding. Number 248.

365 Poems in 365 Days: I See In You The Very Heart Of Me

Sometimes what I say or do
Seems less like me and more like you
But other times I can see
Things about you that surprise me

Number 247 is just kind of odd.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Oracle

Every card in my tarot has gone black
The shop has disappeared so I can’t take them back
I guess telling the future’s not my knack

Number 246 is why I am not a prophet.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Podcast

Jack:    I’m Jack and welcome to our podcast
         We hope it goes better than the last.
         Anyway, Nigel is with me here.
Nigel:   Receiving you loud and clear.
Jack:    Also back with us is Stu.
Stuart:  If it goes like last time I don’t know what I’ll do.
Jack:    Last, but not least, but certainly last is Pete.
Pete:    Sorry guys, I wasn’t sure where to meet.
Jack:    We’re actually talking by internet magic -
         Doing this in the same room would end up being tragic
Pete:    I’m in a farmhouse in the south of France!
Nigel:   I’m at home, lounging around in my pants.
Stuart:  I didn’t want to know that so can we get to the content?
Jack:    Of course we can. Here’s an email that was sent...

We don't have a podcast but this is pretty much what would happen, except not rhyming as well. Number 245.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Night of the Frogs

For ages I haven’t seen a frog
Maybe they’ve all been chased off by dogs
They used to walk in through Jim’s door
And sit there nonchalantly on his floor
I should go and look in the water near here
Or is it completely the wrong time of year?

Number 244. The frog incident has been mentioned previously on this blog.

Friday, September 27, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Mystery Mentor

Michael Villefort, you make me so sad
When you trained me, it was to my detective skills we wanted to add
I didn’t realise my personality should also be bad
Should I brood over crimes until I run mad?
Or spend all night drinking and smoking with the lads?
Or have an affair with someone as old as my dad?
Surely these tortured investigators are a fad
Although I admit I treat feelings roughshod, like a cad.
But I’m happy because solving mysteries is rad!
Let’s not argue; I’ll visit you in a tad
After I finish my trip to Islamabad
(It’s the case of the missing tiger gonads)
Lacey Lee
PS I’ll bring back a carpet to replace that one you had.

Lacey Lee responds to her mentor. Is she being ironic using the word rad, or is she stuck in the 90s? Number 243.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Accountancy

The accountant is bad at responding to email
So I have to phone if I want action for real
But recently all my calls seem to fail
Guess I’ll call round, and show some zeal

Number 242 is pretty much a true story although I am terrible at calling people.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Not My Actual Methodology

Scribbling words up at night I stay
Half ideas and rhymes coming at the end of the day
Thoughts and lines of things to say
Come morning I’ll throw them away

Oh, if only this were true. But at number 241, close the two thirds mark, the horrible truth is that I have abandoned precisely one poem as irredeemable this month. And I've got it by my bed in case I have an idea to make it merely terrible in the middle of the night.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Directionless

People ask me for directions
All the time this weekend
But the questions are filled with confusion
Where is it I need to send?

Number 240 is true and begins a selection of poems I've tried to fix, but it hasn't worked and they're just awkward. What is that last line doing?

365 Poems in 365 Days: Hotel Hell

I’ve seen several episodes of Ramsey’s Hotel Hell
And in each Gordon has stripped off for a shower or bath
Is it in the contract? Do they think a naked chef will sell?
Since the bathing always goes wrong I have to laugh.

Number 239. Every time I say, well I'm not watching this rubbish again, and every time I flick through the channels and pick it out.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Moon

“Write a poem about the moon.
Hurry up it’s setting soon.”
What is this, a party like in old Japan
Where we compose only while we can
See the ephemeral thing it’s about?
Wait a minute. Why’s it so dark out?

Number 238 is about my old friend and/or rival the moon.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Another Visit to the Rascals Club

More about the Rascals club
I rewrote the story as a play
Wore the speech down to a nub
That’s all I really have to say

For completeness sake number 237 refers to the one act play version of the Rascals Club piece detailed here. It's very similar.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Contains Adult Language

This ongoing project used the f-word early on
Which I guess makes the whole thing for an adult audience
I could write ‘mature themes’ –horror, sex and so on
But then, like movies with a 15 or 18 compliance
Would I stick in some tits because someone got shot?
Or swearing all the time because there are drugs?
Still – 365 – a bit of pandering is not
Completely disgraceful. Better sweep this thought under a rug.

Number 236. For those curious the swear word can be found in this poem.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Monkey Shoes

Monkeys don’t wear shoes
This probably isn’t news
Except to the kid who’s two

Number 235 is about monkey shoes. Monkey shoes guys!

365 Poems in 365 Days: Beards

There’s this thing about when I shave off a beard
I find I have to do it twice
I think I’ve done it well, but it’s weird
Look in the mirror, it’s been nibbled at by mice

Number 234. As my cousin and I discussed a couple of years back, men all think they're good at shaving, but frankly there's a huge variation. Why do I have a goatee and moustache? They're the hardest bits for me to shave. Especially first thing in the morning.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Comedy Or Tragedy?

Seriousness fail
Death not a laughing matter?
I suck at all this

Number 233. Haiku time!

365 Poems in 365 Days: Socks

I have lots and lots and lots
Of plain black cotton socks
Which makes them easy to pair away
(Except the ones that have turned grey)

Number 232. True story.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Sorcery, Spitting and Knots

The sorcerer’s spells require him to spit
And mutter in a language mostly forgot
When he claims we are visited by the efrit
He captures it’s essence with an elaborate knot

This poem, number 231 has a slightly interesting origin. When the Prophet Muhammad started preaching, the leaders of the Quarysh told pilgrims not to listen to him as he was a sorcerer. However people knew he wasn't as there was no spitting and no knots. Presumably therefore, sorcery required spitting and knots. Hence this poem about a sorcerer and spitting and knots.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Writing Poetry

Writing poetry is not hard work as such
Even if it requires a dextrous mental touch
Still, my brain feels oddly tired after a little too much

Number 230. If by some chance you ever get about a hundred poems behind and spend a month trying to catch up, you too might feel this. The worst is coming up with a couplet or triplet and realising you wrote a very similar but slightly better version a week ago.

You think coming up with an improved version of an older poem would be worse? Let me into a little secret; this is the internet and I can edit old poems. It doesn't happen very often, but several of the poems are in significantly better state than when I first hit post.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Hooray!

It was a good performance
That left the audience in a trance
So at the end there was a pause
Before the thunder of applause

Number 229 is not about the response to itself (probably).

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

365 Poems in 365 Days: Super Ghost

I can walk through walls
There’s no prison can hold me
Now that I am dead

A haiku about a supervillain who is a ghost? Why has no one thought of this before? Oh wait, it turns out there are dozens of them. Now I'm sad. Number 228.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Ghost Story Prequel

Watch out for the unquiet spirit
That walks through walls and doors
It haunts people without merit
And chases cads and boors

Number 227 is the introduction to a ghost story I wrote for creative writing. I already wrote a poem about this (which can be found here) and then another poem in response to the criticism I received about the first poem. One fellow student was fascinated by my imagery here. I'm still not sure what she meant.

365 Poems in 365 Days: Tour Guide

Tourist sites are machines
For extracting money from visitors
As painlessly and pleasantly as possible
You can try and rein it in
Keep things on a budget or
So on, and still find it enjoyable

Number 226 is inspired by my Australian cousins who found that tourist things are expensive. They thought Paris more of a rip-off than London, although that's partly because of the weird things like charging more for sitting outside rather than standing at the bar.