June Films Update 1

Ten films I watched earlier this year.

****

1. Up Pompeii (1971 film)

Lurcio (Frankie Howerd) is a slave in the household of Roman nobleman Ludicrus Sextus during the reign of Nero. Sextus is planning a campaign against vice in his hometown of Pompeii. His wife is having an affair, his daughter is promiscuous, his son is a feckless and naïve poet trying to court a young woman. They’re also holding an orgy.

Meanwhile the emperor Nero is coming to visit and Sextus plans to try and impress him with his speech. However the scroll gets swapped with another of conspirators who plan to assassinate Nero. Everyone in Sextus’s household depend on the cunning Lurcio, and the conspirators try to use him to get the scroll back, to implicate others and conduct their various dealings. It’s a sex comedy!

Obviously criticising a smirking, fourth-wall breaking, anachronistic smutty comedy for it’s historical accuracy is to miss the point, so I will simply note that my largest complaint is that the coinage used are described as drachma; Greek coins not Roman. Is this, then simply an excuse for bawdy jokes and to show off boobs and bums? Well perhaps. In general it is the women who pursue the men with Sextus’s wife admiring naked men in the baths. And if there are boobs on display, there’s usually a twist; at the orgy when a topless man and woman walk by Lurcio notes “The costumes are really good – that’s a couple of fellows.” Lurcio himself spends a fair amount of the final sequence bare-chested after being sent to wrestle Gorgo, Nero’s champion.

The major question though, is it funny? At it’s best, yes it is. Howerd smirkingly undercutting pompous characters, offering sly explanations for what’s going on, being put into embarrassing and increasingly dangerous situations and having to find a way to get out, that’s all amusing in a farcical way, and often puts in a fun surprise. If in the end it’s a 70s period sex comedy with all the nonsense and bad taste that implies, it moves quickly, doesn’t linger on the bits that fall flat and has some energy to it.

Watch This: Some period fun and Frankie Howerd manages to keep it all moving pleasantly
Don’t Watch This: Bad jokes, bad history, bad smut

2. The Untouchables

It’s 1930 in Chicago, and Al Capone (Robert De Niro) is the gangster boss. Prohibition of alcohol has created a vast illegal liquor underworld making Capone rich, and also prominent and famous, he gives newspaper interviews. Eliot Ness (Kevin Costner), a treasury agent, has been put in charge of enforcing prohibition and in particular bringing Capone to justice.

He gets off to a bad start; he’s given a team of police and they raid a warehouse, to discover there’s none of the Canadian whiskey they’re expected, a fiasco caught on camera by a reporter. It turns out that the mobsters were tipped off. Despairing, on the way home he meets beat cop Jimmy Malone (Sean Connery). Kept on the street because he’s honest, Ness recruits him.

In turn they go to the police academy, hoping to find officers before they’ve been corrupted, and pick out George Stone (Andy Garcia). Malone realises he’s Italian-American and racially insults him (as he does with most of the other Italian-Americans in the film) and gauges from his response he’s honest, smart and also a good shot. The final member of the team is Oscar Wallace (Charles Martin Smith) an accountant sent from Washington to assist Ness. Malone then leads them across the road from police headquarters to the post office and they raid a liquor store there; the point being everyone knows where it’s going on (implied: everywhere) they just aren’t willing to do what’s needed.

Ness starts to make progress. Capone’s gang tries to bribe him, tries to threaten his family. He sends his pregnant wife and daughter away and carries on. They manage to capture a ledger and someone who can read it and Wallace realises that Capone hasn’t been paying taxes, which is illegal.

What are you prepared to do, Malone asks Ness, who begins with an iron-hard conviction that “anything within the law,” will succeed. But Malone will push further than that, threatening a prisoner, and then pretending to execute an already dead man; later turning on an old comrade in the police to get vital information. This costs him his life, and with that Ness is propelled into the final section, pushing a dapper assassin off a roof and coercing the judge to swap the fixed jury.

I’ve read The Untouchables, Ness’s own account of the events, and a small amount more of the history of Capone’s downfall. So let me simply say, this is a entertaining period gangster fiction, with some nice looking scenes, a few tense moments and some interesting moments of trying to navigate institutions corrupt from top to bottom.

Watch This: Exciting period crime film
Don’t Watch This: Bloody, stylised, portentous; a group of men running around shooting gangsters

3. Strangers On A Train

Guy Haines, amateur tennis star, is recognised on the train by Bruno Antony. Haines has appeared in the gossip columns connected with Anne Morton, daughter of a US senator. They exchange stories of woe; Haines wants to divorce his wife Miriam, who cheats on him, so he can marry Anne. Antony hates his father who keeps wanting him to get a job and stop coming up with ludicrous schemes.

One such ludicrous scheme: two strangers, each with someone in their way, should swap their enemy. Each could murder the other’s target and never be suspected. Haines is mildly intrigued, then put off, fleeing the train at Metcalf, his hometown, leaving his engraved lighter behind.

Haines meets Miriam to give her the money for a divorce. She no longer wants a divorce. Spitefully she tells him she’s pregnant by another man and if he tries to divorce her she’ll tell everyone that the baby is his. He will be ruined and any attempt to marry Anne will be doomed. He leaves for Washington to meet the Morton family. However Antony has followed them, and continues to follow Miriam. That night at an amusement park he strangles Miriam.

Arriving in Washington Haines is disconcerted to learn that Miriam is dead. Then Antony calls him, insisting that Haines keep up what he believes is his end of the bargain. Worse still Haines' alibi doesn’t stand up; the professor he talked to on the train while Miriam was being killed was too drunk to remember. Haines tries to put Antony off, but he comes to Washington and follows Haines, even gatecrashing a party at the Mortons. There he tries to offer another ludicrous scheme to the senator (for harnessing the lifeforce which lets him see for millions of miles and hopefully will allow him to smell a flower on Mars). Then he starts talking about murder to some elderly ladies, and they swap ideas before he demonstrates strangulation.

Haines can’t accuse Antony without incriminating himself. Antony becomes more annoying and threatening. Haines comes clean to Anne and the two of them try to work out how to stop Antony, events becoming more difficult and complicated. A somewhat silly idea taken very seriously, real tension as Haines' momentary temptation comes back to create fear and death in it’s wake.

Watch This: Classic thriller with a desperate hero, a distinctive villain and even a tense tennis match
Don’t Watch This: Very silly idea entertained at distracting length

4. Bad Boys Ride Or Die

Miami police detective Mike Lowrey (Will Smith) gets married; at the reception his partner detective Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence) has a heart attack and spends several days in a coma. He has visions and believes that now he cannot die. While recovering they discover that deceased Captain Howard is being accused of corruption and decide to clear his name, maybe find out who’s using a dead man to cover up.

In prison is Armando, Mike’s son for killing Captain Howard (his mother, like Howard, was killed in, I think, Bad Boys For Life*). They visit him, to try and discover what’s going on. He reveals that actual corrupt officials had him and his mother kill Howard as Howard was too close to finding things out.

The team framing Howard get hold of his laptop which triggers a file being sent to Mike and Marcus. The oblique references lead them to an old club-owning contact. There they are ambushed by a team of gunmen, Marcus taking many chances as he believes he cannot be killed. Similarly Armando is attacked in prison. They arrange to have him taken out of prison so he can testify, but the air crew of the helicopter are replaced by more enemy hitmen. They survive the landing and go on the run, not knowing who to trust.

They then go to the people they trust to try and figure out what’s going on, discover Howard’s cache of files. Things get complicated; I didn’t mention that Howard’s daughter is a US Marshal hell-bent on revenge against Armando for killing her father, who takes control of the hunt for him. Also she has a daughter who happens to be with Christine, Mike’s new wife, when the bad guys come and kidnap her, setting up a complicated final action sequence in an abandoned alligator-themed amusement park.

This is sometimes witty, often tense, occasionally spectacular. And in between we have two good actors having fun and taking the odd chance to show some serious emotion. Since I didn’t ask for more from Bad Boys, I don’t know that I can complain here. Except maybe how much it expects you to be up to speed on Bad Boys For Life.

Watch This: Entertaining police crime action film
Don’t Watch This: We wanted more from Bad Boys

* The one I’d not seen as of this review

5. The Fall Guy

Colt Steagers is the stunt double for Hollywood action star Tom Ryder. A fall goes wrong and Steagers breaks his back. He turns his back on his job, his friends and even his girlfriend, Jody Moreno, a camerawoman.

Eighteen months later he’s working as a car valet when he gets a call from Gail Meyers, film producer. Moreno is the director* of Metalstorm, a film produced by Meyers and starring Ryder; she wants Steagers to come to Australia to work for her. He flies out and goes straight to perform a stunt, only to find Meyers has lied. Moreno hasn’t asked for him (she’s upset he vanished and frankly too busy). Meyers asked him to come out because Ryder has disappeared. She needs Steagers to find him, and if not, they’ve scanned him and Steagers, his double can be CGI’d to look like him.

This then is the film; Steagers wanders around Sydney Australia failing to find Ryder but being attacked by Ryder’s sword wielding girlfriend/co-star, being drugged by Ryder’s drug dealer, being attacked by goons; then going back to set and doing stunts; then trying to mend his relationship with Moreno. Obviously there’s something going on, a dark secret that Steagers is manifestly unequipped to investigate, but as a stunt man he can roll with the punches and figure things out.

The film, like it’s characters, is in love with films and film-making. They see things through the lens of other films. That Metalstorm is being prepped to be announced in Hall H at Comic-con is a big deal, signalling that this is a popular action film meant to entertain and make money rather than something with any particular artistic merit. Yet everyone involved is working hard, using their skills and craft to do the best they can.

It's pretty funny too, it works as an action comedy, a romantic comedy and even as a thriller.

Watch This: Exciting action comedy with something to say about films and film making.
Don’t Watch This: Guy keeps falling off things and getting blown up to make the same point as ever, that Hollywood is full of weirdos covering up crimes to protect stars, careers and money

* This is an interesting career progression. Camera operator to big-budget film director is a large step; was Moreno in fact the director of photography** on the previous film, and they glossed over it to avoid explaining what everyone on set’s job was? In either case 18 months from running the cameras on one film to being in charge of principal photography on another is a swift turnaround. The interesting thing here is that this film, in love with films and filmmaking, has a couple of plausible explanations. Meyers has picked Moreno, a novice director with a good eye for spectacle to shoot her big star in this mediocre space nonsense. New at this and being given a big chance she’s likely to just do the job without making big changes or trying anything too clever. Another, complimentary explanation is that Ryder, getting more erratic, has alienated the first choice for director, and Meyers promoted her choice for DP rather than delay or find someone else.

The point, such as it is, is not that this film is especially clever, but it goes out of it’s way to pretend it’s not clever while having a tightly designed thriller plot going on.

** DP or cinematographer is the chief of the camera and lighting crews, the one who makes sure that what the director wants can be filmed.

6. Shrek The Third

King Harald, Shrek’s father in law, is ill. Shrek and his wife Fiona have been filling in, but everything goes comically, embarrassingly wrong. On Harald’s death bed he reveals that there’s another heir, Artie, his nephew. Rather than be king, Shrek sails away to collect Artie, though not before Fiona reveals she’s pregnant to Shrek’s discomfort.

Prince Charming, thinking himself cheated out of the kingdom, puts together an army of fairytale villains and storms the kingdom. Initially the comedy relief fairytale characters manage to delay them so Fiona and the court ladies (Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella etc) can get away, but they’re betrayed by Rapunzel and Charming sends Captain Hook and his crew after Shrek and Artie.

Artie is at a medieval themed high school and keen to get away. Until Shrek and his animal sidekicks accidentally explain about how hard Shrek has found the responsibilities. Then when they get back the kingdom has been taken over and Charming is preparing to kill Shrek as part of a play. Setting up for a big finale.

Some entertaining and funny setpieces (Shrek is mistaken for a mascot costume at the High School). However constant turnabouts of escapes and captures and betrayals is exhausting. And the series isn’t over!

Watch This: Amusing fairytale flavoured cartoon still has some life in it
Don’t Watch This: Lot of ogre buffoonery

7. Kelly’s Heroes

In France in 1944 Kelly (Clint Eastwood), a private who was unfairly demoted from lieutenant, captures a German colonel of military intelligence. The colonel was looking for fuel for his convoy, which was transporting gold bullion, and is being kept in a bank in a small town 50 km behind the front lines. The platoon is pulled back to the annoyance of the sergeant, Big Joe (Telly Savalas) who wanted to get into the town of Nancy so they could get at the food, drink and women.

The captain leaves to transport a yacht (?) and collect parcels from Paris for his uncle, General Colt, having put the men in a deserted farmhouse to relax. Big Joe leaves to try and find booze and women, or at least some dirty movies from supplies. Kelly disobeys Big Joe, tells the platoon about the gold, they decide to try and steal it. Kelly then goes to the supply dump where he recruits Crapgame (Don Rickles), the sergeant in charge of supplies both official and unofficial. (To an extent the film is about sergeants). They’re overheard by Oddball (Donald Sutherland), a sergeant with three Sherman tanks and crews, who have come detached from their unit and are hanging out being hippies. (To a much greater extent the film is about how troops in a war are following their own plans and interests more than the generals – who also are following their own ideas). Together they make a plan to steal the gold.

It's a comedy! The platoon make their way through enemy lines, mostly avoiding fighting, but occasionally coming under attack while travelling across the French countryside. Meanwhile Oddball and his tanks make a surprise attack through a railway tunnel but are caught out when American aircraft destroy a bridge they hoped to cross. Oddball calls an engineer friend, but building even a temporary bridge requires a lot of manpower; this turns into quite a large expedition. It draws the attention of General Colt, who decides this is a successful attack and goes forward to try and find whoever is in charge.

It's a comedy that combines both the cynicism and self-interest of soldiers fighting a war, along with the gritty terror and danger of fighting it. Wacky hijinks, strange occurrences, odd characters meet the grim horror in a tour de force of gallows humour.

Watch This: Not only a great comic war film, but perhaps one of the great war films
Don’t Watch This: Wacky hijinks run up against the organised slaughter of World War Two in a queasily uneasy manner

8. Airplane! (1980)

Ted Striker, haunted by his experiences in the war as a pilot, is now a taxi driver. His flight attendant girlfriend leaves him, planning to make a break on her usual route from Los Angeles to Chicago. Ted confronts her in the airport, then still rejected, buys a ticket. He tells his story to people he meets, which drives them to suicide. It’s a comedy!

On board the plane several passengers and the flight crew fall ill from the food. The doctor says they need to land soon or they will die, but fog has closed down every airport before Chicago. The only one with flight experience is Ted, but he doesn’t think he can land the plane, nor do the ground staff.

All this plot is beside the point, at least to modern audiences; the Airport series of disaster films this is parodying having been mostly forgotten. Fortunately this is only one of many strands of quickfire jokes the film has to offer. There are absurd juxtapositions, complex wordplay, misunderstandings, slapstick, bizarre flashbacks and ludicrous characters. If you didn’t like that joke then another comes along straight away. Nor that one, here’s another. A particular highlight is the autopilot, which is an inflatable pilot whose jolly demeanour manages to offer some actual characterisation. A film that launched a thousand comedy lines, also one sequel and the team behind it’s other surreally fast-paced parodies.

Watch This: Swift moving plane disaster comedy
Don’t Watch This: Relationship breakups, food poisoning, PTSD and airplane disasters are not funny

9. 1917 (2019)

It’s 1917 and the German Army in Flanders has retreated. Aerial reconnaissance has revealed that they’ve fallen back to the heavily fortified Hindenberg Line. The Second Battalion of the Devonshire Regiment is due to attack tomorrow morning; their advance has been so fast that there are no communications to stop them from what would be a disaster. The General sends two lance corporals with the message; to get there in time they will have to cut across what was formerly gun-swept no-mans-land and German occupied territory. One of them, Blake, has a brother in the Devonshires and is highly motivated; the other Schofield, is a veteran of the Somme and cautious.

So much for the plot (they cross land empty and disputed, ruined, fortified, bombarded and pristine). What this film is about is the spectacle. Re-created trenches and bombarded land, trying to pass through dangerous areas, following tunnels. Absolutely magnificent film-making.

Watch This: Dramatic and extraordinary film of the Western front of the first world war
Don’t Watch This: Men travel across war-torn landscape, discover futility

10. Mutiny (1952)

The War Of 1812 breaks out and Captain James Marshall is asked to take the ship Concord to France to pick up some gold. Because France is at peace with Britain* this gold has been collected by private citizens and the French government will not send one of their ships. Marshall asks Waldridge, a former British naval captain to be his mate; Waldridge swallows his pride (with a wistful look at a portrait of Angela Lansbury) and agrees, bringing some of his former sailors with him. Some of those sailors overhear Marshall and Waldridge discussing the gold and, with no loyalty to either Britain or America (or any other nation) decide that they should steal if for themselves.

Waldridge uses his knowledge of the Royal Navy to avoid their ships, but criticises Marshall for delaying and taking risks to rescue a man. In France Marshall and Waldridge go ashore; when they return Waldridge’s old flame Leslie (Angela Lansbury) comes aboard. Thinking she must have the gold the sailors search her luggage; not finding it they bring her into the plot. Marshall again takes a risk, this time to save Waldridge, who again criticises the decision.

The gold has been forged into an anchor; Leslie convinces Waldridge to mutiny. He convinces Marshall to sail south, to avoid the British. As they approach America the titular mutiny takes place. Waldridge takes Marshall prisoner; the crew insist he be killed but Waldridge fakes his death, letting him escape with a plank. Marshall makes it to shore and collapses, only to be discovered by American soldiers looking for him and the Concord. The gold is needed urgently as the British have burned Washington**; he’s convinced the Concord is heading for Cuba but will need to melt down the gold anchor first.

They search the islands, discovering and capturing the Concord, only to find themselves trapped by a British warship. Fortunately Waldridge has a submersible*** that they can use to attack it; Marshall and Waldridge must work together one more time.

Rather melodramatic with everything spelled out – Waldridge is discovered entertaining three women each of whom has one aspect that resembles Leslie, Marshall and Waldridge discuss hard decisions and sacrifice before the two are forced to the point, the very name of the film is Mutiny. And as I’ve noted the events are rather loosely tied to the history. Still there’s some moments of tension to do with the sailing, avoiding ships with superior firepower and the final sequence in the submersible.

Watch This: Entertaining seaborne adventure
Don’t Watch This: Silly, ahistorical, careless of time, geography and sailing matters

* NO, Mutiny (1952) you are thinking of the Revolutionary War (1775-83). In 1812 Napoleon’s France had been at war with Britain for almost a decade.

** The War of 1812 began in June 1812; history relates that the British occupied Washington in August 1814, so it seems that their trans-Atlantic voyages have taken two years. Indeed it’s good that they weren’t quicker as otherwise the gold would have been in Washington when the British captured the city.

*** This one’s almost historically accurate, an American tried to use a submersible to attack a British ship off New London in 1814