Three guys, who we may recognise, are walking down a street, passing a highly decorated window.
GUY ONE: ... it's not the commercialism that offends me - Christmas has always been a FEAST day with all the excess and conspicuous consumption that implies - but the crassness of it.
GUY Two: Mmm.
GUY THREE: Quite. "It's Christmas so let's drink Coca Cola and eat pre-made party food - at reduced price!"
The Guys are walking past a huge and very tackily decorated Christmas tree.
GUY ONE: What kind of feast is it with piles of cardboard convenience food bought from the supermarket, shoved in the microwave five minutes before, everyone arrives to eat them in a haze of alcohol, then clears off when we're done?
GUY TWO: Ahh.
GUY THREE: What about family, togetherness and celebration? Is sitting in front of some animated film, in a bloated semi-concious state any way for families to enjoy themselves?
The Guys pass a horrible looking Santa's Grotto.
GUY THREE: ...and what about pride, and craftsmanship? Homemade Pudding, roasted vegetables, gravy made from bones and roasting juices...
GUY TWO: Ooh.
GUY ONE: And talking of craftsmanship and pride, how about wrapping your own goddamn presents rather than getting the shop to do it? Or maybe even make your own present? Show some love and forethought rather than just go into a shop and pick things off the shelf?
The Guys have arrived at the Carpark, with Christmas Shopping Parking extended to 9pm.
GUY TWO: Gents, I agree with every word that has dropped from your lips. But I have to leave you. See you Christmas Eve.
GUY ONE: Merry Christmas! Looking forward to the Christmas Eve pub crawl!
GUY THREE: Bye!
GUY TWO arrives home, and, still in hat, coat and scarf, turns on the TV.
Two ladies in hotpants appear on the TV. GUY TWO dances around the room, in a frenzy of Christmas delight.
TV (with notes dancing around the words to indicate a song):Every body come together
It´s a hot hot christmas night
Make you magic last forever
Have a cheeky christmas time
I am of course referencing this silly Christmas song.