I Watch Films: One Million Years BC

 

One Million Years B.C.

There’s a tribe of dark-haired pig-wrestling cavemen. Two brothers of the chief disagree and fight; one is thrown off a cliff and travels to the seashore, avoiding various dangers (desert, giant lizard, giant crab, volcano etc). There he finds a tribe of blond fish-spearers. He is taken in, fights a dinosaur, then is thrown out for fighting with another guy.

But there’s no hard feelings and one blond woman (Raquel Welch) joins him, and they give him a spear. (The dark-haired pig wrestlers don’t seem to have spears, which is why their hunting involves wrestling with pigs). They return to the dark-haired tribe, avoiding dangers, to meet and conclude the battle between brothers.

Neither tribe speak English, though there is a voiceover to explain what’s up with the pig-wrestling tribe. The (pre-)historical accuracy is non-existent. The giant crab and turtle are ludicrous. Also there’s Raquel Welch in a fur bikini.

Probably there is a bad side to this film as well.

Watch This: Some old-school stop-motion monster, different size on screen adventure fiction
Don’t Watch This: For all the violence and energy it’s almost insultingly simple and nonsensical