Mum: Hello, Neil?
Me: Hi Mum! Is everything okay?
Mum: Where are you?
Me: On the platform at Ramsgate station.
Mum: Oh. That's why you're not at home.
This statement of the obvious contrasts with some of the pupils' ideas of where I live:
[Pupil E]: Go on, go home.
Me: I was, until you lot stopped me to tell me I can't give you a detention as you're outside school.
[Pupil L]: Go on, go back to your wheelie bin.
Me: My wheelie bin?
[Pupil L]: That's where you live.
 Because, seriously, Mum never rings me on my mobile.
 What never? Well, hardly ever.