Pupil K: Sir, will you go to the prom with me.
Pupil J: Why Not?
Me: It's not appropriate.
Pupil H: How old are you sir?
Me: I'm [My Age]
Pupil K: My Mum's not [My Age].
Me: So I'm old enough to be your Mum?
Pupil K: Yes... No... I... What?
Sadly this is not the incident most likely to get me fired this week.
Pupil K, it seems, had been asked to the prom by a boy, and said yes, but then he asked someone else. I refrained from pointing out the obvious lesson and went on to say:
Me: You could go on your own and it would be like the last episode of the first series of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, except with less vampires.
Pupil E: No vampires.
Me: That would be less.
Pupil E: I've never seen an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
Pupil H: I have. I liked the story Buffy's Mum told...
Me: ...about how she went on her own and met Buffy's Dad...
Pupil J: What are you on about?
A surprising amount of statistics coursework actually got done that lesson.
Pupil F, who is going through a lot of stuff right now: My notes got soaked and I couldn't stand them so I threw them away.
Me, restraining myself from calling her an idiot: But you've got what you've done on the computer?
Pupil F: Oh, yes, it's all here.
Me: Okay, fine. Sometimes, the only thing to do is throw it away or tear it up or whatever, but next time, try and stop until you're in a better mood and see if you can salvage anything.
Pupil F: Yeah. Yes you're right.
Me: No harm done this time.
When did I become a counsellor for teenagers?
Today's theme tune:
 All men are bastards.