Friday, May 22, 2009

Conversations That No One Will Believe

These actually happened in the last couple of weeks, but sound exactly like I made them up, so won't try and convince you otherwise.

Me: That's really good [Pupil A]
Pupil A: [emits a tiny squeaky scream, as she has done every time I've looked at her during the lesson]
Me: [Pupil A], why do you make a tiny squeaky scream every time I look at you?
Pupil A (in a tiny voice): Because I saw the devil.
Me: Ooookay... are there any other shapes you think you could make?

Pupil P[1]: Hello Sir! How's my favourite teacher?
Mrs W (who is actually taking the lesson that I've wandered into): You'll make me jealous
Pupil P: Oh, no, well, second favourite?
Me: I'm fine, although slightly less flattered than 10 seconds ago.

Pupil T: Sir, did you tell my form tutor you saw me smoking?
Me: Yes I did.
Pupil T: Why?
Me: Was it a secret? Maybe you shouldn't have been smoking in front of everyone at the bus stop then. Everyone else manages to hide in the woods when they want a fag.
Pupil T: But then I'd have missed my bus.
Me: Well, when you break the rules in front of everyone you've got to expect some sort of come back.
Pupil T: But you're supposed to be the good guy!
Me: I'm supposed to be the good guy?

What made this last exchange especially amusing is that it was watched by two girls who are already convinced I'm the worst thing to crawl into the school since, like, ever.

I am slightly aggravated that I've become the one who reports smokers and tells pupils who are kicking footballs across the road to be careful. On the other hand I haven't intervened to the inevitable chain of events that occurs when you combine a platform full of kids with an announcement that unattended articles may be taken away without warning.

[1] Who I thought had previously made an appearance in Conversation of the Day, but apparently only on Facebook
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