Saturday, February 09, 2013

365 Poems in 365: More Vampires

Number 26 is a review. I would put it in rhyme and meter, but man, that's hard work!

I am disappointed by this Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Stake Your Destiny
Called The Suicide King
That I got from Poundland for one pound

On the cover it had friendly cartoon portraits
Xander, Willow, Giles and Buffy
(The last almost unrecognisable
Apart from the stake)
Then opens as a girl dies
By stabbing herself with
A silver letter opener
In the head.

I don't mind that I took two decisions and lost -
I played gamebooks back in the day* -
But what did my loss mean?
Sent away from Sunnydale
To live with my Dad.
Will apocalypse come without me to guard the Hellmouth?
Will there be hijinks -
A solo episode away
Another with the gang trying to cope
With no Slayer -
Then back to status quo?
Or what?
The book does not say.
It says "The End".

At least if I died
I'd know I'd lost and the world was doomed
Or maybe not, as another Slayer would rise
And canonically this would
Not be the first time
Buffy died without ending

At least I didn't pay
The £5.99 it cost
When first published
In 2005

* Creature of Havoc requires that you cheat
(Automate that, gamebook apps)
Or you end up in an endless loop of fighting;
Fire on the Water pits you against a Helghast,
Invincible against normal weapons,
Unless you picked one skill out of ten
Or took the magic spear out of another undead
Which then rises up and fights you;
Six books of Way of the Tiger
And in the end no ninja skills
Will defeat the demon god;
And Blood Sword ends with Judgement Day

(It's a good thing)
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