I Watch Films: I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle

I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle

An occultist/bike-gang-leader tries to summon a spirit but is killed by a rival biker gang. Noddy (Neil Morrissey) buys the bike, a Norton Commando (classic British motorcycle) for £1100 (he tells his girlfriend Kim (Amanda Noar, then married to Morrissey) and everyone else it was £600). They can’t get it to work until after dark. So Morrissey has to ride his regular bike (I think it’s a Kawasaki of some sort?) for work (motorcycle courier). They’re in the West Midlands, so almost everyone has a Brummie accent of some sort.

The bike wants revenge against the bike gang that killed the occultist (led by a man named Roach who has a crossbow and re-creates the Strongbow advert thing during an extended pub sequence). The bike also wants to randomly kill people. Noddy eventually figures this out and goes to get a vicar (Anthony Daniels) who declares he can’t ride Noddy’s Kawasaki, and returns on his own trike.

There’s a few good jokes, the bike riding is okay and the bike suitably menacing. And that standby for low-budget horror, plenty of gore.

Watch This: For bloody, silly, horrible fun
Don’t Watch This: If you don’t care about bikes or vampires or any of that