Decorator

12 months ago subscribers to my Patreon wanted to know if I could recommend any decorators. This was my response. Despite suggestions this was "weird," "unhelpful," and "I don't know why you sent me this," it's now time to let everyone have the benefit.

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Decorator

They ask me to paint the walls, I paint the walls. I don’t know why they have questions about it.

So this family asked me to paint animals on the walls of their kid’s bedroom. They didn’t say what animals, and they went away. Didn’t ask the kid, didn’t point out one of the photos I have on the website. That’s what they’re for you know? So people can say “I like that jungle one, but can we have a giraffe?”

Yeah giraffes are savannah animals, not jungle. But it’s good to have a tall animal in there. Makes it look balanced. Giraffe framing it on one side, birds in the trees on the other, you know?

Anyway, they’d not said they wanted the jungle. Hadn’t said what at all. The kid's young but not that young so I painted animals they’d see in daily life. The birds, the squirrels. Cows and horses, you can see them when you drive out of town. Cats of course, they’re everywhere. And dogs.

Well what a fuss when they came back. It seemed a relative was ill, and they’d brought their pets back with them, Rufus and Harry, big lazy hounds. And they called up asking how I knew, how I’d put them front and centre.

Well I just painted the dogs I thought ought to be there. To make the picture look good. That they bring those dogs home, or ones that look like them, how am I supposed to know. A lot of fuss over nothing.

Anyway, the point is this; the kid here wanted knights and princesses and all that. So that’s what I’ve painted. I do my job, just like you’ve been doing yours, laying the carpet in the hall. I know it looks like what I drew but still. I don’t see how you can blame me for the dragon sitting on the driveway, blocking your van.