Fate Has Cast Him...

 

Last April I used the prompt "Fate has cast him as the charming but bumbling Englishman surrounded by cool, confident Americans," to write this short piece and send it out to subscribers on my Patreon. Now, 12 months later, it is free to the world.

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Fate has cast him as the charming but bumbling Englishman surrounded by cool, confident Americans. “I don’t understand,” said Simon Smith-Smythe.

Anne Delaware took a sip from her martini glass. “It’s like this. The house is haunted and we need you to deal with it.”

“Well of course, I’d be glad to. If you thought I would be any good at it. Which I wouldn’t of course. I mean England has plenty of old houses but not all of them are haunted. What I mean to say is that, don’t you think someone with experience, a, what do you call it, a ghostbuster might be better at this?”

Anne looked over at Jack Pistol, who returned her gaze through a cloud of vape smoke. Smith-Smythe coughed slightly, though in all honesty the mist was quite pleasant. He sipped his wine to cover up his embarrassment and coughed again, a single red drop arcing out to land on Anne’s cream jacket. She ignored his sputtering apology.

“Jack and I are paranormal investigators Simon. We are the people with experience. This isn’t our first rodeo – nor our first haunted house.” She smiled warmly, enough that he almost believed in it.

“Then I am even more confused. I don’t understand.”

Jack Pistol nodded. The night sky seemed low over the terrace, the three of them isolated in an island of dim light. Anne spoke again.

“This is the house in which your ancestor Titus Smith-Smythe lived and died. We believe that only you can help cleanse the sins he committed here and allow the spirits to rest in peace. To absolve his heinous crimes, black magic, debauchery, fornication.”

“Insurance fraud,” added Jack Pistol with a dark edge to his words.

“Good Lord,” said Simon Smith-Smythe and his monocle popped out.