Household Tips
Twelve months ago my patrons were given the benefit of my household tips. Those of you not subscribing have had to languish a whole year with these suggestions hidden behind a paywall. But now you can see them and learn from my wisdom.
If you don't want to wait a year to read my flash fiction (and non-fiction) then you can subscribe here.
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Household Tips
1. When you find a single sock, send it back in time to a mirror universe to meet its twin so they can be a pair.
2. Goblins should not be used to clean bathrooms. They have learned to reverse the flow on toilets and use the resulting filth to create a disgusting sewage fortress from which they attempt to negotiate better (worse) working conditions.
3. Magic swords should be kept singly, or in matched sets. Differing pairs will fight or, worse, mate.
4. An accurate lunar calendar – one that has phases down to the minute – can be a lifesaver.
5. Talking household appliances may seem helpful, especially for those with young children or suffering a curse that has replaced their hands with forks. Be sure to maintain strict communication security around them as they are notorious gossips.
6. Both a quantum nano-forge and a cornucopia are excellent time-saving devices, but combining the two, no matter how tempting, will inevitably cause a mess that will devastate three counties.
7. Essential tools for every homemaker: plasma torch, goblin spray, vacuum cleaner, hazmat suit, Class IV protective magic circle, talking dog, eye of true seeing, streak-free cleaning fluid, non-talking dog, bat trap, temporal stamp, kitchen timer.
If you don't want to wait a year to read my flash fiction (and non-fiction) then you can subscribe here.
****
Household Tips
1. When you find a single sock, send it back in time to a mirror universe to meet its twin so they can be a pair.
2. Goblins should not be used to clean bathrooms. They have learned to reverse the flow on toilets and use the resulting filth to create a disgusting sewage fortress from which they attempt to negotiate better (worse) working conditions.
3. Magic swords should be kept singly, or in matched sets. Differing pairs will fight or, worse, mate.
4. An accurate lunar calendar – one that has phases down to the minute – can be a lifesaver.
5. Talking household appliances may seem helpful, especially for those with young children or suffering a curse that has replaced their hands with forks. Be sure to maintain strict communication security around them as they are notorious gossips.
6. Both a quantum nano-forge and a cornucopia are excellent time-saving devices, but combining the two, no matter how tempting, will inevitably cause a mess that will devastate three counties.
7. Essential tools for every homemaker: plasma torch, goblin spray, vacuum cleaner, hazmat suit, Class IV protective magic circle, talking dog, eye of true seeing, streak-free cleaning fluid, non-talking dog, bat trap, temporal stamp, kitchen timer.
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