Academic Questionaire
12 months ago this was the July patron bonus. Now it is out from behind the paywall so you can read these questions without paying me a single centavo. Cheers!
Dear ______
You have been selected by this institution for a research interview due to your recently changed circumstances. Please fill in this preliminary questionnaire to allow us to prepare for the interview.
1. How would you describe your current status?
a. Dead
b. Undead
c. A tormented soul cursed to walk the earth
d. I’m what now?
2. How are your daily nutritional requirements met?
a. Blood
b. Brains
c. “Vital Essence”
d. I don’t know, magic or something I guess
3. What is your preferred dwelling place?
a. Gloomy House
b. Coffin
c. Cave in the woods
d. Hey, you said dwelling place, rather than place you live. Look I’m not that fragile, even death hasn't stopped me, I don’t need circumlocutions to avoid hurting my feelings.
4. When is the best time for an interview?
a. Moonrise
b. Sunset
c. Twilight
d. Midnight on 31st October
5. What is your preferred method of communication?
a. DM me
b. By post
c. Carve the message in a Wych Elm at the full moon
d. Do not contact me; all reminders of my prior existence are painful
6. What recompense would you expect for your trouble?
a. A red silk-lined black opera cloak
b. The tear of an innocent child
c. An ancient tablet from the lost city of Opak-Re
d. Bus fare and lunch
Thank you for your time. If you have any questions on the project please contact the Department of Post-Life Studies High Functioning Undead Project at St Saviours College.
Dear ______
You have been selected by this institution for a research interview due to your recently changed circumstances. Please fill in this preliminary questionnaire to allow us to prepare for the interview.
1. How would you describe your current status?
a. Dead
b. Undead
c. A tormented soul cursed to walk the earth
d. I’m what now?
2. How are your daily nutritional requirements met?
a. Blood
b. Brains
c. “Vital Essence”
d. I don’t know, magic or something I guess
3. What is your preferred dwelling place?
a. Gloomy House
b. Coffin
c. Cave in the woods
d. Hey, you said dwelling place, rather than place you live. Look I’m not that fragile, even death hasn't stopped me, I don’t need circumlocutions to avoid hurting my feelings.
4. When is the best time for an interview?
a. Moonrise
b. Sunset
c. Twilight
d. Midnight on 31st October
5. What is your preferred method of communication?
a. DM me
b. By post
c. Carve the message in a Wych Elm at the full moon
d. Do not contact me; all reminders of my prior existence are painful
6. What recompense would you expect for your trouble?
a. A red silk-lined black opera cloak
b. The tear of an innocent child
c. An ancient tablet from the lost city of Opak-Re
d. Bus fare and lunch
Thank you for your time. If you have any questions on the project please contact the Department of Post-Life Studies High Functioning Undead Project at St Saviours College.
