FIlms Catch Up 1

It's December and I haven't posted reviews for most of the films I've seen this year! Time for some catch up posts to clear the backlog. Here's 10 that I watched months ago:

1. The Indestructible Man

“Butcher” Benton (Lon Chaney Jr) is a robber and murderer who has been double-crossed by two co-criminals and their lawyer. He’s executed, then the body illegally sold to a scientist who brings him back to life. He’s lost his voice however.

He left a clue to where he stashed the loot with his stripper-girlfriend Eva Martin who is now dating a police detective, Dick Chasen, she met during the case. The lawyer steals it, swapping the contents of the envelope with $50. Benton meanwhile tracks down the two henchmen and murders them. Following up on this the police check with the mortuary and discover Benton’s body is missing. However the investigation is hampered by the detective taking his girlfriend on a date, also because they still believe Benton’s dead.

It turns out that Benton can’t be hurt by being shot, or by being punched, and when eventually they use a bazooka on him it’s not that bad. How to stop someone who can’t be hurt? Not to worry though, Dick Chasen has been giving a voice over the whole time, so we know the case will wrap up.

Watch This: For a fun if silly story of a man returning from the dead to take revenge with a couple of interesting locations and a pacy finale
Don’t Watch This: The voiceover and stock scenes kill all tension

2. Woman Times Seven

Shirley Maclean plays seven different women in seven different stories, each linked by being in Paris and about relationships with men. It’s sometimes referred to as a sex comedy and perhaps so. It certainly isn’t taking it’s subject matter seriously.

Perhaps unfortunately it doesn’t seem to want to take the central women seriously either. A widow is proposed to by the family doctor (Peter Sellars) in the funeral procession. Discovering her husband cheating on her, a wife goes out to cheat on him, falls in with a group of sex workers. A translator brings home two men and discusses art while in the nude. The wife of a writer starts to act like his wild fictional love interest. A fashion diva is furious when someone has the same dress at the opera. A woman and a man (Alan Arkin) plan to commit suicide. And a wife finds herself being followed by a mysterious man (Michael Caine). All of them are rather slight and it doesn’t quite add up.

Watch This: Seven light-hearted mini-films about women and relationships
Don’t Watch This: As comic sketches they outstay their welcome; as actual stories they are very slight

3. The Portable Door

Paul Carpenter is on his way to a job interview when a series of odd coincidences instead lead him to a different interview with J W Wells and company. It seems to be going poorly, until he mentions the odd coincidences, and also sees patterns in the wallpaper. He gets the job as a paid intern.

It takes him a while to learn what’s going on at the company (not a Gilbert And Sullivan fan apparently). They put him in with another intern, Sophie Pettingel, and everyone thinks they should be romantically involved for some reason. He’s told not to stay in after closing time (5 o’clock) and that modern technology doesn’t work in the building.

Eventually it becomes clear; he’s a finder and they have him looking for bauxite deposits on maps. Sophie is able to give people little nudges so that serendipitous meetings occur. J W Wells is an old and respected firm doing magical things for clients.

Humphrey Wells, the CEO after his father mysteriously vanished, wants to make the firm more modern. And to do that he needs the Portable Door, which can lead anywhere. But it’s missing. However they’ve just employed a finder…

It’s fun, if a bit lightweight, and ironically makes working in an office in the city seem super-cool. I mean it’s a bit weird and dull before he finds the door and starts to discover there’s more going on, but both Paul and Sophie are good at their job and get to do interesting things away from their desk every now and again. I read the book it’s based on, I think when it was new, so that’s almost twenty years ago and the details of the plot had escaped me, so they emerged satisfyingly.

Watch This: Fun, silly, occasionally clever fantasy adventure
Don’t Watch This: It seems ever so slightly adolescent for a film about adults solving adult business problems 

4. The Tuxedo

Jimmy Tong (Jackie Chan)* is a taxi driver who is employed by mysterious and wealthy super-spy Clark Devlin. This is a promising beginning, a classic comic situation where underdog Jackie Chan can prove himself to his boss. That’s not what happens though. Devlin has a super-suit, a Tuxedo (Tactical Uniform eXperiment) that can do anything and is controlled by his watch.

Devlin (who works for the somewhat unfortunately named C.S.A.) is on the trail of some shenanigans by the Banning Corporation. Basically they intend to poison water supplies, so they can sell their bottled water. Except it quickly turns into science fiction. An explosion hospitalises Devlin and due to a comedy of errors, Tong meets Devlin’s new handler Delilah Blaine with the case notes and the suit and watch and proceeds to be comedically puppeted by the tuxedo through a ridiculous super-spy plot.

The plot is very silly, and through there are a couple of good setpieces (they put a bag on a man’s head and drown him with a backpack of water in the opening) frankly the reliance on effects and gimmicks plays against Jackie Chan’s strengths. Meanwhile the supporting cast are all over the place. A mediocre film that isn’t sure if it’s a light-hearted spy film or a spy-film parody and settles on just being weird.

Watch This: Amusing spy spoof with a few good gags about a magic suit
Don’t Watch This: Confused and confusing film that wastes several good actors and ideas

* James Tong, sounds like James Bond, get it?

5. Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery

In 1967 Austin Powers, International Man Of Mystery, photographer and super-spy, tangles with his nemesis Dr Evil. Dr Evil escapes in a Big Boy fast food advertisement statue/rocket to be cryogenically frozen. Austin volunteers to do the same thing, and the two are preserved to the present day (1997).

It’s a spoof of James Bond films. Dr Evil’s organisation has become a company. His first ideas for evil plans (blackmailing Prince Charles for having an affair; destroy the ozone layer) turn out to have happened so they steal a nuclear warhead and hold the world to ransom (initially asking for a paltry one million dollars, then increasing to a more serious one hundred billion).

Both Powers and Evil are men out of time, which is a well observed trait of James Bond. From the start of Fleming’s books he’s a blunt instrument still hanging on to his exploits in WW2. In the film Goldfinger he suggests earmuffs for listening to The Beatles etc continuing through to the modern day. Myers specifically points out the changes that have occurred since 1967 and 1997. Powers is a believer in free love and… well, mostly free love.

There’s some good pops at the 60s, at the 90s and James Bond. Austin Powers has not aged especially well as a character, his self-centred sex-obsessed character not very interesting. As an avatar of the free spirit of the sixties, flawed yet trying, okay I guess.

Dr Evil is good, both as the definitive spoof of the various Blofelds and Blofeld-likes, his attempt to bond with his son Scott Evil (born from frozen sperm and so having grown up without him) adding a dimension and some pathos. Scott Evil of course points out that the plan to kill Powers and his assistant Vanessa Kensington via slowly lowering them into a pool of laser sharks when they have guns is bad; but also to do it behind closed doors so he’s not even watching is just silly.

The cast is good, with several early career appearances of comedy stars as well as some solid character actors. As has been pointed out, Austin Powers inflicted a deep psychic wound on the James Bond Series, one that it suffers from to this day. Perhaps it’s greatest legacy.

Watch This: The greatest spoof of James Bond and similar spy films ever made
Don’t Watch This: Some dated jokes, and Austin Powers is not an especially attractive or interesting figure at this late date

6. Dracula (1974)

A stripped down 1970s TV movie version of the story. Jonathan Harker travels to Count Dracula’s castle to try and sell him some property in England. Carfax Abbey catches his eye, as does a photograph of Harker, his fiancée Mina and her friend Lucy (also Lucy’s fiancé Arthur). Attacked by Dracula’s brides, the count forces him to write a letter saying he is staying at the castle for a while longer.

Dracula then sails to England on the Demeter, it arrives mysteriously in Whitby, home of Lucy, Mina and Arthur, with only the dead captain aboard, lashed to the wheel. Lucy falls ill and Arthur calls in a specialist, Dr Van Helsing.

Van Helsing refuses to offer his diagnosis (it’s vampires) instead trying to stop Lucy from sleep walking, transfusing blood, garlic flowers etc. This doesn’t work and she dies, only to come back and ask Arthur to let her in. On the verge of biting him Van Helsing intervenes with a cross. They then stake her through the heart in a bloody and violent scene.

They track down the boxes of earth Dracula has brought to sleep in (in a modestly amusing trek through several haulage companies) and destroy them. Dracula strikes back, forcing Mina to drink some of his blood, then fleeing. Arthur and Van Helsing use the link between them to track him to his lair.

Fairly faithful to the plot of the book, it cuts out several characters and their related business. It uses a portrait of the historical Vlad the Impaler and his wife (painted to favour Fiona Lewis, who plays Lucy) to clarify the link and his intentions.

Watch This: A nice period Dracula, taking the main thrust of the story from the book
Don’t Watch This: No explanation for opera clothes, no Renfield, no cowboy – preserves the story but leaves out the wacky interesting bits

7. Gilda

In Buenos Aires in the 1940s, American Johnny Farrell goes to work for Mundson as the manager for his illegal casino (it’s somewhat indiscreetly taking up about half of a hotel). One day Mundson comes back from a trip married to Gilda; Farrell and Gilda knew each other in a past life but pretend not to. Gilda indiscreetly goes out with other men, leaving Farrell to cover it up, the two of them acting out their anger and hate for each other.

Mundson is the head of an international tungsten cartel, which he claims will enable them to rule the world. He’s head because he got assigned patents from Nazi Germany when the war meant they couldn’t use them. Now the war’s over they want them returned but Mundson refuses; he’s attacked at carnival*.

Farrell goes to collect Gilda and take her to safety, they declare undying hatred and kiss. Mundson overhears, leaves, and his plane crashes. Gilda inherits everything, marries Farrell, but he takes control of everything and neglects her as punishment for her infidelity. She tries to escape, including crossing the Rio De La Plata to Uruguay and trying to get a divorce but it doesn’t work. Eventually there is an even more melodramatic reveal and a happy ending, especially for those of us who don’t want the world controlled by a bunch of tungsten nerds.

This, of course, is the Rita Hayworth film that features in The Shawshank Redemption. It’s a fun noir film about a love/hate/business triangle, a Bond Villain Nazi plot taking second place. Probably for Hays code reasons, it fluffs the ending, downplaying Gilda's and Farrell’s sins.

Watch This: A classic noir film with glitz and glamour and two compelling performances
Don't Watch This: A Nazi plot to control the world’s tungsten just kind of goes on and worse still it doesn’t commit to it’s central conflict, undoing Gilda’s cheating and promiscuity

 * The film notes a party when the war ends and later carnival happens, suggesting we’re in February 1946. The plot then continues for several months more, projecting events into the future from the March 1946 release.

8. DC League Of Super-Pets

Krypto the super-dog has been Superman’s companion since he was born, has travelled to Earth and been his sidekick, including having a secret identity (“Bark Kent”). Now however Superman and/or Clark Kent seems more interested in his girlfriend Lois Lane. Clark tries to find Krypto a companion at an animal shelter where we are introduced to a group of wacky animal creatures, before Krypto and Clark are called away to fight Lex Luthor.

Lex Luthor’s plan is to capture a meteorite made up of orange kryptonite, which will give people superpowers. He’s defeated by Superman, Krypto and members of the Justice League (in this incarnation including Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Batman and Cyborg). However Lulu, a guinea pig in the shelter who lost her hair as a test subject for Lex Luthor, captures a piece of the orange kryptonite and gains super powers. It accidentally exposes the other pets (Ace, a dog; PB, a pot-bellied pig; Merton, a turtle; and Chip, a squirrel) so they have powers too.

Lulu captures Superman and other Justice League members, de-powers Krypto (hiding green kryptonite in a bit of cheese, which will take maybe 48 hours to pass), powers up a bunch of other guinea pigs and plans to break out Lex Luthor. Krypto meets up with the pets from the shelter and convinces them to help.

It’s a kid’s animal superhero film. There’s some charming setpieces and sight gags, a few good jokes and several long and complicated animated fight scenes. In the end everyone gets the pet they deserve; the owner they need.

Watch This: Super dogs and other animals saving the day and a few amusing DC-superhero jokes
Don’t Watch This: Animated animals and superhero fights aren’t for you

9. Hunt (2022)

There’s an assassination attempt on the South Korean President in Washington DC. The Foreign Unit chief Park and the Domestic Unit chief Kim of the KCIA* stop it but the assassins are killed and those behind the plot remain unknown.

It’s the 1980s and South Korea is under a military dictatorship; there has recently been a coup and democratisation protests that led to a massacre. There’s a KCIA mole known only as Donglim. Park and Kim hunt him.

There are complications. Park is protecting a student, the daughter of an agent who was killed on an operation. Kim wants the military dictatorship to end, or at the very least those who caused the massacre to face justice. There’s a North Korean nuclear physicist who tries to defect in Japan, but it goes wrong as they try to get the identity of Donglim out of him. There’s a North Korean pilot who defects who doesn’t know who Donglim is but knows of him and why South Korean operations keep going wrong.

The film climaxes in another assassination attempt against the president, this time in Rangoon; a real event. The film uses real history, fills in some blank bits and makes other stuff up; how much of it is which I am sadly too much of a South Korean history dilettante to tell. But the paranoia is true; when South Korea is a brutal and corrupt military dictatorship with torturing secret police, North Korean agents find a fertile ground for dissent.

Watch This: A cool, brilliantly shot, intricately plotted Korean cold war spy thriller
Don’t Watch This: If you aren’t familiar with South Korea in the 1980s you need to pay very close attention to catch up and if you do that you recognise that the twists and turns are pretty ridiculous (even when historical)

* The film uses KCIA (Korean Central Intelligence Agency) throughout, though historically it changed it’s name (and role) to Agency for National Support Planning during this period; the change being part of Chun Doo-Hwan’s seizure of power in the country

10. Beast (2022)

Nate Samuels (Idris Elba) is a doctor who takes his two daughters Mare and Norah to a South African game reserve. It’s where his late wife was from. A ranger there, Martin, introduced the two of them. The daughters have complaints; their father was too busy and separated from his wife, and (possibly) so missed her cancer until it was terminal. Also there’s no phone service or internet.

None of this matters because poachers have slaughtered a pride of lions, but left the male alive. Now that lion is on a roaring rampage of revenge to kill every human.

Martin takes Nate, Mare and Norah out to bits of the reserve that are restricted, meet some lions that he raised by hand and are friendly, they get to a village to discover it's apparently deserted. Then they find the mauled bodies. They’re out of radio contact so rush back, discover an injured man. But the lion is using him as bait, and their truck crashes, stranding them.

Night falls, then the poachers arrive, initially willing to take them with them for cash until they recognise Martin. Then the lion attacks.

The locations are magnificent, the CGI lions very cool and often genuinely menacing. Sometimes the main one jumpscares from ambush, sometimes it’s right there, trying to get through a window or under a car, occasionally it just strolls about as though it owns the place. It’s not quite as weightless as most CGI monsters!

Meanwhile the actors do a good job of creating a believable group bound together by a woman who’s now dead and missing her immensely. And they bring the same characters to the frantic terror scenes. But it’s mostly lost then, because it’s MAN VS LION.

Am I complaining that in a MAN VS LION film, the well-rounded characterisation is kind of swept away when the MAN VS LION sequence begins? That it doesn’t map onto the personal difficulties neatly and tritely? I guess maybe I am.

Watch This: IDRIS ELBA fights a Lion
Don’t Watch This: Idris Elba fights a LION