Films Catch Up 10
You know I seem to have watched a whole pile of films this year. Ten more!
1. Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1959)
In 19th century Edinburgh there are celebrations as eminent geologist Professor Lindenbrook has been knighted. McEwan, a student in love with Lindenbrook’s niece, gives him a curious stone as a present, which distracts Lindenbrook from his own celebratory dinner. Within the stone they find a plumbob with an inscription; deciphering it they realise that it was from Arne Saknussemm, a scientist who vanished into tunnels under the earth via the Icelandic volcano of Snæfellsjökull.
Lindenbrook realises a correspondent, Professor Göteborg, has cheekily used Lindenbrook’s letters requesting information and has started an expedition of his own. Lindenbrook and McEwan follow him to Iceland, discovering that all the climbing equipment etc has been bought up. They are half-heartedly kidnapped and locked in a goose down store where they are released by enormous blond Icelandic man, Hans, and his comic relief sidekick duck Gertrude*.
Göteborg has bought up all the suitable equipment and been murdered. Trying to get hold of it Lindenbrook encounters Madame Göteborg; inevitably she joins the party along with Hans and Gertrude. Entering the volcano according to the description they encounter marks made by Saknussemm and head deep into the earth. However Göteborg’s murderer, Count Saknussemm, is on their trail, thinking that he, the descendent of Saknussemm, should have the rights.
Based loosely on the Jules Verne novel of the same name, they encounter various underground wonders, most of which turn out to be dangerous (breaking off a fabulous gem in a crystal wonderland causes the cave to flood and the party to be split up). They get the better of the villain, none of them are willing to kill him, and so he causes trouble for them for the rest of the journey. They cross an underground sea, find giant lizards, and the sunken city of Atlantis, where Saknussemm (original)’s skeleton is found, as well as a weird upward blowing vent. All in all, a fun family-friendly adventure, that’s a little slow paced and swings wildly from silly to grim.
Watch This: A nice all-ages underground adventure film
Don’t Watch This: The duck doesn’t make it; is actually a
goose made up to be a duck; also the monsters look bad (they’re lizards made up
to be dinosaurs) and are unnecessary additions that every future hollow earth
author decided to use
Part Of: An informal trilogy of underground themed films I watched
* I regret to say that despite being the most valuable member of the party, Gertrude does not make it.
2. Bluebeard (1943)
All of Second Empire Paris is afraid of the notorious Bluebeard murderer who kills women and dumps them in the Seine. It’s painter and puppeteer Gaston Morrell who is compelled to kill his models. He’s decided to give up on the painting and concentrate on the puppeteering which he hopes will cut down on the killing.
He meets Lucille, a modiste, and starts to court her, also getting her to make puppet clothes. This annoys his lover and puppeteer partner Renee, who confronts him, then asks what happened to all his models (who she was also jealous of) so he strangles her and dumps her body in the Seine. So much for the cutting down on killing. There are various secret passages and so on.
Morrell’s art dealer accidentally sells one of the paintings to a prominent nobleman who puts it on display where a policeman recognises the picture as one of the murdered women. The inspector gets one of his undercover agents, Francine (by coincidence Lucille’s sister) to try and find out who the artist is, eventually having them offer a vast sum for a portrait. This goes wrong leading to him explaining the backstory and a tragic ending, or maybe not that tragic, after all he’s a guy who strangles women. Because they laugh at him*.
Anyway it’s a historical noir murder mystery, with a surprisingly large amount of puppetry going on (they’re putting on an opera of Faust, which has some reflections on the plot). It almost has something to say about art and artists, crime, class, etc but in the end keeps trying to reach back to the Bluebeard story. But it doesn’t really say anything about that either!
Watch This: A strong central performance and an interesting
look into the idea of 19th century Paris
Don’t Watch This: It’s a grim story of a man compelled to
kill the women he worships
* 'Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.’ Margaret Atwood.
3. Carry On Admiral
A junior government minister and a royal naval officer book into the same hotel in Portsmouth. They’re old friends and decide to have a drink together, but the hotel doesn’t allow booze in rooms. The chambermaid sneaks in some gin in a water jug, and also one of them has some whisky; thanks to the misunderstanding they mix them and get very drunk.
For reasons (they’re drunk) they end up in each other’s rooms and clothes. The officer is due to take command of a ship, HMS Sherwood, which is having an open day. The ship’s officers, used to sailors getting drunk on shore, collect the minister and bundle him aboard before he realises what’s going on. Meanwhile the officer is collected by car to go and see the Admiral; he’s there to discuss matters before the cabinet minister arrives.
The Admiral has a beautiful granddaughter, the second in command on HMS Sherwood has a smart and capable sister down for the day who is friends with the Admiral’s granddaughter. This comes in handy for both the romantic subplots and co-ordinating the resolution (in which someone has to be broken out of the hospital after being committed for thinking they’re not who everyone thinks they are). It’s a modestly amusing farce that telegraphs the best bits in advance, and occasionally manages some sharp satirical jabs that stand up even today.
Watch This: Moderately funny mistaken identity comedy
Don’t Watch This: A ridiculous situation gets stupidly out
of hand
Despite The Name: This is not part of the Carry On series of
films, and somewhat precedes it
4. Squirm
Mick goes down to the deliciously named but sadly fictional town of Fly Creek, Georgia to meet his girlfriend Geri. A storm knocked out the power the night before, also blocked the road. When he gets off the bus, she's gone across country in a borrowed truck from the worm farm to pick him.
The powerline is running 300,000 volts of electricity into the soil, which has caused the worms to emerge and grow aggressive. Geri and Mick go into town, where Mick orders an “egg cream,” and has to explain what it is*. He finds a worm in it, but the owner and sheriff think he’s playing a prank.
Back at Geri’s family’s house the 100,000 worms in the back of the truck have gone missing. Willie, the owner of the worm farm, is furious, mostly with Roger, his son, who lent her the truck. Roger is jealous of Mick. Trying to avoid awkwardness Geri and Mick go over to a neighbour’s house to browse his antiques (the town seems to have two main businesses, antiques and a worm farm). The neighbour is missing, but they find a skeleton. By the time the sheriff gets there the bones are gone and he threatens to arrest Mick if he sees him again.
We’re set up now, so that when the worms inevitably go berserk and attack people, the sheriff doesn’t believe it (he’s on a date, having a spaghetti dinner with the woman he will be in bed with when the worms get him), the town is cut off and no one can cope. And how could they anyway? There are too many worms, so many that after the producers bought them in Maine for the film, fishermen there had trouble getting hold of them.
Watch This: Worm horror, with a few good bits of business
Don’t Watch This: The avalanches of worms start to beggar
belief after a while
* Milk, fizzy water and chocolate syrup. Typical decadent New York drink.
5. Gas-s-s-s
In a cartoon sequence, the US military releases a gas that kills anyone over the age of 25. Fairly swiftly things go all to hell. Students in Dallas, Texas react in various ways, but the young police officers start to take control of the city. Rather than stay in what’s becoming a fascist state, two hippies leave and go on a road trip.
They run into lots of variously-themed strangeness. So there are cowboys, and also a marauding football team. They meet up with some others who join them, including a music fan, ending up at a concert where the singer AM Radio is receiving messages from god. Edgar Allen Poe sometimes turns up, on his motorbike with Lenore on the back and a raven on his shoulder, to comment on events. There are signboards to the Oracle, counting down as they travel.
You can tease out a plot if you want (apparently it was substantially cut by the producers and distributors). Perhaps better is to take it as it comes, with some satirical looks at US counter-culture in 1970, asking the question, what if the kids could take over? Things would be wacky, but also violent, I guess.
Watch This: A curious comedy with a few bits and pieces to
say about youth culture and government
Don’t Watch This: It makes no sense and in the end it’s just
another apocalyptic road trip
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6. The Stranger Left No Card
A stranger comes to town (it’s Windsor, though I don’t think anyone ever says and they avoid showing the signs at the train station). He dresses flamboyantly, speaks outrageously. He does magic tricks and plays games with children, including hiring a horse and carriage to give them rides (it’s 1952, being a weirdo who hangs around with children is not suspicious). He signs in at the hotel as Napoleon, and becomes a well known locally as an eccentric.
But being a fun, entertaining person, the town fool perhaps, is also a disguise. If all anyone sees is “Napoleon,” then they will never see anyone else.
Watch This: A very short, fun film hiding menace within whimsy
Don’t Watch This: A weird guy and a peaceful town both hide
dark secrets – as they always do
7. King Of The Khyber Rifles
Captain Alan King is heading for the encampment of the Khyber Riles outside Peshawar when he meets Ahmed, a deserter from local warlord Karram Khan. Thanks to his information he manages to escape an ambush. Arriving, some of the other officers are disturbed to learn that not only was he born locally and speaks Pashto, but his mother was Indian (and a Muslim), including one of his bungalow mates moving out. The other doesn’t, claiming that half-castes should stick together; his mother was Irish.
The General is glad to have him, though dubious when his daughter takes a shine to him. King saves her from a kidnap attempt. He’s put in charge of the native cavalry, and earns their respect, keeping their wildness just about under control. In an effort to learn what Khan’s plan is he pretends to desert, joining Khan, just as the general’s daughter is being sent away. Khan meanwhile has spread rumours amongst the native Muslim troops that the new rifles use cartridges greased in pig fat*. This sets the scene for a final battle.
It's a little cleverer and more even-handed than a typical Imperial adventure film, which makes two of the leads keeping their American accent and one of them blacking up to an extent that was untypical for that region even more inexplicable. Still, it’s enjoyable, and the drama of King being caught between two worlds is at least one step up from the usual.
Watch This: Slightly elevated and interesting adventure film
with a few good action scenes
Don’t Watch This: It’s dated and stylised
* Set in 1857, this reflects part of the Great Indian Rebellion. [SPOILERS] Despite King swearing on his honour and loading a rifle himself, when they are going to attack Khan the native troops refuse to load the rifles. When King tries to send them away, they refuse that as well, saying that they will still follow him – but using steel. Hence a great brawling swordfight at the end. The film is aware of race, caste, class and so on in the British Raj but is neither nuanced nor clever about it; still this is a good payoff for an adventure film.
8. The Adventures Of Robinson Crusoe (1954)
In the 17th century Robinson Crusoe goes to sea, against the wishes of his father, but as a younger son with few prospects it’s all moot. He has some ups and downs, and joins a ship to transport slaves from Africa to Brazil; the ship sinks (good) and Crusoe is the only survivor apart from the dog and cat*. He manages to salvage tools and supplies and treasure, and builds himself a shelter, hunting goats, gathering fruit etc.
It turns out that the island is occasionally visited, but unfortunately it’s by cannibals who come here to kill and eat their victim. Crusoe hides from them. When the dog dies, Crusoe falls into a fit of depression. Recovering, he watches as one victim escapes the cannibals; Crusoe helps him escape by killing two of them. He names the man Friday, teaches him English (and European manners) and takes him on as a servant. He mistrusts him at first, but eventually comes to value him.
There’s a final adventure, in which Crusoe leaves the island. He’s been on it twenty eight years.
An adaption of a classic tale, which doesn’t smooth out some of the rougher parts. Yet still a family-friendly film. If it has a flaw, then perhaps it doesn’t feel like so much time has passed. Crusoe changes in appearance and thanks to make up is definitely older, but the long hair and beard say more of his mental and physical state than the time that has passed. On the other hand making it longer would have made the film interminable so it’s a compromise.
Watch This: Old fashioned adventure film with some fun bits
Don’t Watch This: Sticking close to Defoe’s novel makes
Crusoe not simply flawed, but actively malign; he should stay on the island to
avoid harming anyone else
* The cat has kittens, leading to an inbred infestation of feral cats on the island, presumably causing even more havoc on the local wildlife than Crusoe
9. Bulldog Drummond Escapes
This, as it turns out, is the first in the 1937-39 BulldogDrummond series of films, which I have watched out of order. They recast some of the regulars after this one, notably Drummond himself, though the character remains unchanged. We discover Drummond flying his plane, and insisting on landing despite the fog, claiming that he “Can’t float around like an oyster in this soup.” Heading home he stops to investigate a disturbance; discovers a body and has his car stolen by a woman. The body vanishes.
It turns out that she’s Phylliss Clavering, living at a remote country house near Drummond’s remote country house. There her “guardians” attempt to convince Drummond that she’s disturbed and that they are doing their best to look after her. Drummond pretends to be convinced. Then he attempts to get his old friend Colonel Nielsen to investigate, only to discover he’s a friend of the guardians, one who golfs with them. So he brings his idiot sidekick Algy and comedy manservant Tenny for a night of secret-passage, fight, escape, double-cross, woman-saving nonsense.
Watch This: Fast paced 1930s adventure
Don’t Watch This: A lot of convoluted nonsense
10. The Four Skulls Of Jonathan Drake
Jonathan Drake has a vision of floating skulls. Three of them. Worried, he sends a telegram to his brother Kenneth, planning to cross the country to visit him. Before he arrives Kenneth sees a shrunken head outside his window, then a tall, long-haired man with sewn-together lips attacks him, poking him with a wooden knife. He’s interrupted and flees, leaving Kenneth dead.
A policeman arrives, also Kenneth’s doctor who determines it’s a heart attack, not knowing about the knife attack. Also arriving is Dr Zurich, a friend and archaeologist, who finds the shrunken head and thinks it a fine specimen. When Jonathan arrives he insists on them opening the coffin; Kenneth’s head has been removed. He gives us the back story.
Captain Drake, his grandfather led an expedition to South America, where they met the Jivaro tribe. The tribe killed his Swiss agent and in return Captain Drake massacred the tribe. Ever since then they have all died of heart attacks at the age of 60, and their skulls are in the family crypt.
The man who killed Kenneth, Zutai, is working with Dr Zurich, who is shrinking the head. One more head (Jonathan’s) will complete the curse. Having extracted the skull he sends Zutai to put it in the crypt where he encounters Jonathan. He stabs him with the wooden knife, but again is interrupted. Now on guard, they test Jonathan’s blood and discover he’s been paralysed with curare. (They love curare mid-century horror and adventure stories). He’s cured. They fingerprint everything, and discover the same prints on every skull, even the old ones, and also the fingerprints have skulls in them.
It turns out that Zutai is a Jivaro witch doctor*, of the cult of the headless men; they achieve immortality, brand skulls on their fingertips and sew their mouths shut as they no longer need food or air. The rest of the film get slowly more convoluted with kidnappings, murders and reveal that manages to be both racist and a bit gruesome. A fourth skull does finally appear.
Watch This: A spooky, scary mystery horror film with some
interesting ideas
Don’t Watch This: The most unexpected parts are marred by
being really quite racist, while the rest is mediocre
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