Films Catch Up 4

Still catching up on film reviews, here we go:

1. Halloween Ends

Halloween (2018) and Halloween Kills (2021) both take place on Halloween night 2018 in the town of Haddonfield Illinois. On Halloween 2019, with, apparently, indestructible knife murderer Michael Myers gone, Corey Cunningham accidently kills the child he is babysitting.

Three years later he is something of a pariah. Laurie Strode, recovering after her nemesis Myers is (apparently) gone, intervenes when some local teens hassle him, and then takes him to the clinic where her granddaughter Allyson works. Cory and Allyson start tentatively dating.

Confronted at a Halloween party by the mother of the child he killed, he flees, meets the teens again. In the struggle he’s thrown from the bridge. Down in the sewer he meets Michael Myers who is hiding there. Myers starts to strangle him, then sees something in his eyes about falling and stops.

Corey starts to lure his enemies to Myers while Laurie starts to worry about him. Then Corey begins killing people himself. People blame Laurie for Myers and she’s trying to get over it herself in writing her memoirs. The film gets somewhere in the region of answers, or at least a resolution, or perhaps just an end, which is something of an achievement for an unending film series about a motiveless killer.

Watch This: Superior slasher film with some thoughts on facelessness/masks, surviving, guilt, blame and forgiveness
Don’t Watch This: Just stabbing, dropping people off heights, strangling

2. The 39 Steps (1959)

Richard Hannay (Kenneth Moore) comes to the assistance of a nanny in a hit-and-run, which turns out to have been an assassination attempt. She vanishes; he discovers there’s no baby in the pram. Finding tickets to a variety show in her bag he attends the performance and meets her.

She’s working for British Intelligence, after a gang who are trying to smuggle out the plans for the unfortunately named “Boomerang” ballistic missile program. She gives him a handful of enigmatic clues, then she’s murdered. He sneaks out disguised as the milkman and heads to Scotland, where she was going, to try and avoid being accused of her murder.

The news gets out and he’s a wanted man. The train is full of schoolgirls gossiping about Miss Fisher and Hannay tries to get her to help him, but she turns him in, so he escapes from the Forth Bridge. He then goes on, first getting a lift in a lorry driven by Sid James, who puts him on to a woman who runs a garage/cafe who can help (she's previously convicted of witchcraft). Hannay then joins a cycling group, and has various escapades across Scotland. There’s turns and turn-abouts. Hannay finds himself mistaken for the speaker at the girls school, and is handcuffed to Miss Fisher, then has to escape with her.

It's a light-hearted, old-fashioned spy adventure. Hannay seems motivated by a great dollop of lust for excitement and also enjoys stirring things up. The final reveal is perhaps a little telegraphed. It doesn't closely follow the plot of the book.

Watch This: Fun, family-friendly adventure
Don’t Watch This: It’s silly, old-fashioned and makes some jarring turns from light-hearted to cold-blooded murder

3. License To Kill

Timothy Dalton is back again as Bond, and this time it’s personal! In the opening sequence James Bond, his friend CIA agent Felix Leiter and Sharkey (?) are in morning dress, heading for Leiter’s wedding in the Florida Keys. They’re stopped by a helicopter as it turns out infamous drug lord Sanchez has left his home and travelled to the Bahamas to collect his girlfriend Lupe Lamora who had left him, or maybe cheated on him, something like that. Bond and Leiter succeed in capturing him in a spectacular action sequence, then parachute into the wedding just as Sharkey’s (?) excuses are starting to wear thin.

Sanchez promptly escapes with the aid of a corrupt DEA agent and takes his revenge, killing (and, implied, raping) Leiter’s wife and having Leiter’s legs bitten off by a shark. Bond swears revenge, and after being brushed off by the DEA he and Sharkey (?) proceed to try and track down all the places with sharks. With a bit of detective work they discover Milton Krest, a marine biologist*, accidently stumbling onto how they smuggle cocaine into the country via his research ship. They discover and kill the corrupt DEA agent.

Bond is ordered off the case by his boss M, as he’s due to do a mission in Istanbul. Bond tries to resign, M tries to take him into custody and Bond goes rogue. He and Sharkey (?)(who runs a shark fishing charter) follow Milton Krest’s research ship; Bond manages to interrupt a deal stealing $5 Million, also makes contact with Lupe but Sharkey (?) is killed (RIP).

Bond now picks up a new partner, a contact of Leiter’s and pilot called Pam Bouvier. Together they head for Isthmus City, which is not-Panama. Bond turns up, books in the Presidential Suite, opens an account in the bank and starts gambling in the casino. All of these are owned by Sanchez. Sanchez notices Bond and Bond pretends he wants to work for him to scout out the office to kill him.

Bond is met by Q, the gadgets genius of MI6, who helps him out. Bond manages to infiltrate Sanchez’s organisation by accidently foiling an undercover sting to get him. Bond spreads paranoia, blaming all of Sanchez’s problems on various of his underlings until finally everything goes up in an explosive finale.

The last Timothy Dalton Bond film and afterwards there is a big hiatus. Bond completes his revenge but never reconciles with MI6. It’s a bit odd really, a pretty good violent 80s action revenge film, that’s only lightly James Bond flavoured.

Watch This: Cool violent revenge film
Don’t Watch This: You wanted more Bond-like stuff

* The most evil of sciences in Bond films

4. The Curse Of The Fly

Patricia escapes a mental asylum in her underwear. She’s picked up by Martin Delambre (George Baker) who is driving to Montreal to arrange for some lab equipment. He helps her get back on her feet, and then, at the end of the week, having fallen in love they get married. Then he takes her home to meet his family.

The Delambre’s are a father (Brian Donlevy) and two sons, and also a Chinese couple (?), Tai (a young Burt Kwouk) and Wan, who help both in the house and the laboratory. They have a working teleporter; the father has been successfully teleported to London but has two problems; radiation burns (!) and no documents. They need the new equipment to teleport him back.

Both Patricia and the Delambres are keeping secrets. In the stables are the mutilated subjects of the experiments, two lab assistants and Martin’s first (Ex-?) wife. The other son, in London, wants to stop, the experiments are causing too much damage. The police are now looking into Patricia, and the Delambres resort to extreme measures to hide their failures. There efforts make Patricia fear she really is insane.

Watch This: A creepy, escalating horror film, with obsession, fear of going mad, disfigurement and tragedy
Don’t Watch This: A bunch of weirdos put off the police to hide their crimes

5. The Great St Louis Bank Robbery

Based on a real bank robbery, some police and members of the public recreate their roles as they did on the day. This is a relatively small part of the film, which concentrates on the crew planning the heist.

Egan, a criminal mastermind, plans one last job so he can retire. He recruits long time co-rogue Willy, and Gino, who needs the money for a lawyer to avoid going to jail. Wanting a getaway driver, Gino brings in George (Steve McQueen), his sister Ann’s ex, who has dropped out of college.

They go in, case the bank, take turns watching it all morning to see the routine (Friday morning there should be more cash in the front of the bank for various reasons). They do timings, planning to stop the switchboard, and spend no more than three minutes inside to get the cash and then leave.

But they’re all short of cash so Gino gets George to borrow some money from Ann; they both got expelled form college and broke up so it’s a bit awkward. He claims he hasn’t seen Gino, but aware they’re in town she spots both of them. Egan has forbidden having anything to do with women; he was abused by his mother who he eventually killed by throwing down a staircase when she was drunk. In this case it turns out he’s right; Ann realises they’re going to rob the bank and writes a warning as graffiti.

Egan is furious, demands Ann leave town but as they leave her apartment he flashes back and throws her from the fire escape. He puts Willy in as driver, forcing George to go into the bank, and brings it forward to the next day. Then we get the promised final scene with real people, which is a little underwhelming, the actors over doing the tragedy, the cops kind of stiff and underwhelming.

Watch This: A tense and gritty noir heist with some good performances
Don’t Watch This: A taut film of character and intrigue degenerates into confused scenes of violence

6. Dick Tracy Returns

A feature film constructed from the 1938 serial. As such it’s a little episodic, though also pacy. Dick Tracy, fresh from his adventures in the serial “Dick Tracy” returns to Los Angeles to tackle the Stark Gang, which consists of Pa Stark* and his five sons Champ, Dude, Trigger, Kid and Slasher.

It gets quite technical for 1938. Tracy getting hold of a witness, the Stark gang take over an airport, disable the radio beacon and set up another to take the plane off course in the night and fog. Tracy flies a plane to stop this. They also use gas, against security guards and the police, but the G-men have gas masks so are able to counter it.

Tracy has a variety of assistants, notably Ron Merton (redshirt), Mike McGurk (comic relief), Junior (a kid who hangs around the FBI office for some reason) and Gwen Andrews (the woman, often doing secretarial work while the men sit on her desk and watch her). There are airplane stunts, car stunts, train stunts and lots of shooting, chasing, fighting and falling off roofs.

Watch This: All the most exciting bits from a 1930s crime-fighting serial with some interesting period-techno-thriller elements
Don’t Watch This: It’s just a cop reacting to criminals stealing enormous bags of cash

* Inspired by Ma Barker, who probably was not the gang leader of her criminal sons, though it suited both the press and the police to make her out that way, especially after her death in a shootout.

7. Falstaff: Chimes At Midnight

Orson Welles adapted the script for this film of Shakespeare’s character Falstaff, dissolute and roguish companion to Prince Hal (later Henry V). The bulk of the text comes from Henry IV Parts 1 and 2, with additional parts from Richard II, Henry V, and The Merry Wives Of Windsor. In addition the narrator uses Holinshed’s Chronicle to give us some history.

Henry Bolingbroke is now Henry IV after he overthrew his cousin Richard II. Richard was killed; his closest heir Edward Mortimer is being held captive by the Welsh. Edmund’s cousins, the Percys, the powerful Dukes of Northumberland, want him to be ransomed. Henry IV refuses.

His son, Prince Hal, is in London, hanging out with Sir John Falstaff. Falstaff is drinking, feasting and wenching. Short on money he come up with a plot to rob some taxmen; Hal and a friend turn the tables, returning to hear Falstaff boasting about how he was outnumbered and managed to escape with his life. They do some impersonations of Henry IV.

The Percys rebel. Hal promises his father he’ll defend him and his honour; Henry IV is sceptical. Falstaff joins the army with his followers; he meets his old friend Justice Swallows who has a number of prisoners that Falstaff conscripts despite their obvious unsuitability; he then accepts bribes to let them loose.

The Percys are Henry Percy, the Earl of Northumberland, his son Henry Percy, known as Hotspur* and Thomas Percy the Earl of Worcester. The armies meet. Worcester parleys with Henry IV, who offers to forgive them treason if they surrender. Hal vows to kill Hotspur if they fight. Worcester returns, claims that Henry intends to execute them.

They fight the Battle Of Shrewbury. Falstaff hides for most of it but observes Hal and Hotspur fighting, with Hal winning. Later he brings Hotspur’s body to Henry, claiming to have defeated him to Henry’s disbelief and Hal’s disgust.

Later Henry, ill, calls for Hal on his deathbed. Thinking Henry dead Hal takes the crown from his pillow; the two have a final confrontation with Hal promising a sceptical Henry he will be a good king. Henry dies; on hearing the news Falstaff thinks his fortune made; he interrupts the coronation. An embarrassed Hal, wanting to show he’s no longer a wastrel, turns Falstaff away. Before he can forgive him Falstaff dies.

It's a comedy!

Henry IV Part 2 is one of the longer of Shakespeare’s plays, and Part 1 not that much shorter; Welles keeping all the funny Falstaff scenes, the battle and the relationship between Hal and Henry IV, jettisoning the rest gives a pacy, often funny and entertaining film. The scenes at court in the astoundingly high castle rooms offer a formality and a striking view of how small the characters are compared to the events they set in motion. Meanwhile the tavern is intimate, full of life, with hiding places, balconies, stairs, corridors, entrances and exits.

Watch This: A clever adaption of Shakespeare, focussing on one of his greatest and most entertaining characters
Don’t Watch This: It cuts so much and often the sound is not good making the lines hard to understand

* Thanks to this being based on history, the king and his son and the rebel and his son all being called Henry could be confusing; hence they go by Bolingbroke, Hal, Northumberland and Hotspur.

8. Carry On Columbus

14 years after the Carry On series of comedy films stuttered to a stop (and five hundred years after Columbus’s voyage) they made another one, now the last. The Sultan of Turkey, who charges immense customs dues on goods coming from China to Europe learns from his spy Achmed that Christopher Columbus, a mapseller, has plans to cross the Atlantic to find a sea route. He dispatches an agent, Fatima, a beautiful woman, to stop him.

Columbus (Jim Dale) and his brother (who paints the mermaids on the maps) team up with Mordecai Mendoza (Bernard Cribbens), a Jewish convert who has a map of the voyage of Moishe the Navigator who crossed the Atlantic in 207 BC (fictional). They go to the court of Spain to get funding, though Mendoza is nervous of the inquisition.

They acquire a crew of various comic types, including several criminals and Achmed and Fatima (in drag). Despite various errors, sabotage, romances and picking up some unexpected passengers they arrive in the Caribbean where the film’s efforts to have a not-too-racist depiction of the locals casts them as savvy New Yorkers who manage to fool them.

Occasionally the jokes are good, and once or twice some real history pokes through, either as is or to be subverted. Without the established comic characters, nor the satirical bite that elevated the best of the series, we’re left with some limp historical jokes, some double entendres and a bit of slapstick. None of which really hit home.

Watch This: Some early 90s British comedians do a few fun characters
Don’t Watch This: It feels more like a 1990s sitcom or sketch show with a lot of filler

9. Armageddon 2025

In 2006 a pair of sisters are given a copy of Snakes On A Train by a clueless grandmother; it’s probably not age appropriate, also it’s not Snakes On A Plane but an early “mockbuster” or knock off from Asylum Studios. Twenty Five years later* they’re estranged, one’s a scientist, one’s a naval officer, their dad is Secretary Of Defence. Strange things start happening, animal attacks and giant robots.

Meanwhile some FCC agents are surprised to discover that the top films streaming are from the shlock action “Asylum Movie Channel”. They put two and two together and try to get in contact with the authorities, but their office is attacked, also the president is killed.

Anyway it turns out aliens are huge fans of Asylum movies and use them as models to build monsters to attack, also they then mind control people, and try to get the new president (former Secretary Of Defence).

The monsters are as good as ever, and as bad when they have to interact with anything. The acting and sets** are somewhat variable. The script is wittier than usual, riffing off other Asylum films in a light-hearted manner rather than original films in a dour manner. The FCC agents track down an actor from other Asylum films to be a subject matter expert!

Watch This: For silly monster film fun
Don’t Watch This: It’s very silly and the added wit doesn’t lift it that much

* Raising the question of why this is called Armageddon 2025

** They evacuate to Mount Weather, a real US government relocation facility, to spend their time in offices and similar rooms. These are revealed to be above ground when refugees are zombified and the president is taken to the secure bunker, a small bare room rather than the 56,000 square metre underground facility designed to resist nuclear attack.

10. The Mark Of Zorro (1940)

It’s the early 19^th century and Don Diego Vega, the California Cockerel, is the finest blade in Madrid. He’s called home to California by his father, the alcalde, joking that nothing ever happens so he will just marry, enjoy his vineyard and raise fat children.

Arriving back in California he finds that the land is groaning under huge taxation from the new governor, who metes out heavy punishment. He flirts with the governor’s wife, pretending to be a man of fashion who finds activities such as swordfighting, riding and politics very boring*. Meanwhile he puts on a mask and becomes “Zorro,” robbing tax collectors and freeing prisoners. Also the governor has a beautiful daughter who he wants to marry to Diego to try and keep the peace, but she’s unimpressed with him and falls instead for the dashing “Zorro”.

There’s horse chases, sword fighting and stunts, a bit of romance, some robbing from the rich and… well he gives the money to the priest who doesn’t quite get around to giving it to the poor. Some daring escapes of course and rallying both the peasants and the land owners.

Watch This: Classic swashbuckler, brisk, pacy, some dangerous horse stunts
Don’t Watch This: It’s silly, black and white and not the one that inspired Batman (that was the 1920 silent version that this was a remake of), nor is the more recent Mark Of Zorro

* Sadly I don’t think he actually says “swordplay is so fatiguing,” something I’ve misquoted from this for at least 25 years.