I Watch Films: Princess Of Mars

 

Princess Of Mars (2009)

John Carter is a US Army sniper operating solo in Afghanistan. Betrayed by Sarka, a local contact, he’s injured. His treatment includes being put into a teleportation experiment; he finds himself on Barsoom aka Mars, a planet in the Centauri system, where the low gravity gives him great strength and the ability to leap high and far. Captured by the Tharks, the green Barsoomians, he learns the language and wins freedom and rank thanks to his strength and prowess. He befriends Tars Tarkas and his daughter Solas.

Dejah Thoris (Traci Lords), a more human appearing red Barsoomian and princess of the last city, appears and John Carter rescues her. John Carter is taken to the Thark leader Tal Hujas who denies him his rank; he forces Carter and Tarkas to duel. He wins, only to discover that Sarka has followed him to Barsoom. Tarkas and he then fight and kill Hujas, only to learn that Dejah Thoris has gone to the air machinery plant that keeps Barsoom habitable, and Sarka followed her. (Hujas had doubted the machinery actually did anything, was preparing to wipe out the Red Barsoomians who maintain it).

At the air machine building Sarka kills the guardian and sabotages the machinery. Carter fights him while Dejah Thoris tries to get the machine working again. Carter holds off Sarka until a creature kills him (?) and Dejah Thoris manages to get it working with mere minutes of air left (very dubious). With the machinery working Carter is returned to Earth where he pretends ignorance of anything and returns to sniping, hoping for a second chance to go to Barsoom (?).

A straightforward adaption of the Edgar Rice Burroughs novel, made ahead of the big budget John Carter. This was made by Asylum, a movie studio known for mockbusters, in response to Avatar, using the public domain novel. It feels somewhat old-fashioned, the effects often ropy, the acting variable.

Watch This: Energetic science fiction action adventure
Don’t Watch This: Very silly, unfunny jokes, attempts to be gritty and fails