Goblin Heaven

 

12 months ago subscribers to my Patreon were told the legend of the goblins and the gods. The tale is eternal, so just as relevant today, when I reveal it to non-subscribers.

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Goblin Heaven 

The gods ignore goblins, and when they do not ignore them they despise them. In return the goblins ignored the gods, except when they could not.

When a stray thunderbolt destroyed the village of Goblynmyre the goblins could no longer ignore them. So Captain Rustcomb put on his shiny helmet and gave a speech. The gods had gone too far this time. Goblins would not put up with it. He would lead any goblin bold enough to lay siege to the Gates of Heaven and demand satisfaction.

The goblins all agreed and sent word to their kin, who sent word to their kin, and they in turn sent word to their kin and so on until the goblins marched on heaven in an army millions strong. They sent heralds up the mountain, where the sun shone on the gleaming towers of the gods and they received no reply.

Captain Rustcomb had the goblin foresters build ladders, stripping the forests, and sending them up into the sky, towards the colourful peak of the Chromatic Gods. But as the ladders reached higher and higher and more and more goblins climbed them their weight broke, stranding the goblins on the slope where they made camp.

So Captain Rustcomb had the goblin miners brought forward to dig tunnels into the mountain of heaven, seeking to undermine the walls of the chiaroscuro peak of the Anachromatic Gods. But no matter how deep they delved the goblins could not get close, and the deeper they dug, the larger the camps they had to make, so they formed new villages underground.

At last Captain Rustcomb had the goblin engineers build great catapults and shot goblins up towards the third peak of Heaven, the one that we do not talk about. But when they opened their parachutes they were blown off course to join the camps of ladderers on the slopes.

In exhaustion Captain Rustcomb sent forth the heralds again, to ask the gods for a truce. But when they arrived at the gates after the arduous climb they received no answer. A new age of the world had begun and the Titanomachy started. Gods and monsters had left Heaven and now stalked the world, fighting for their manifold causes.

And that is why if you travel to the peaks of Heaven, you will find no gods, but many, many goblins. 

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(This span off my story For Sale, Creator's Throne, Never Used which explores similar ideas at greater length)