October Films Update 1

Ten films I watched earlier this year!

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1. Police Academy: Mission To Moscow

An addictive video game has come out of post-Soviet Russia. Known as The Game, it features the adventures of Boris The Bear. Unknown to everyone playing it, this is a money-laundering operation run by Russian gangster Konali (Ron Perlman). He is the bete noir of Russian police commandant Rakov (Christopher Lee) who calls up an American policeman he met at a conference. This is Commandant Lassard of Police Academy, and he brings some of his officers with him, including one cadet Conners, who was on the verge of flunking out due to being unable to climb a rope, but changed his grades on a computer*.

It's been five years since the last Police Academy film and the cast has been trimmed a little. Captain Harris is now a surveillance expert, and much comedy comes about from him trying and failing to spy on people. Apart from that we have Jones, still doing funny noises, Tackleberry, still wanting to shoot big guns, Callaghan, still busty and competent, and Conners the cadet. He immediately falls for their translator Katrina, who is annoyed as this assignment has cancelled her vacation.

Lassard immediately gets lost at the airport, getting into a car in a funeral procession, spending most of the film with the family he’s accidentally joined. The Russian liaison, not wanting to take the blame, puts a do not disturb sign on his hotel door and bribes the bellboy to occupy the room and call out that he’s on the toilet when anyone knocks. The liaison officer dumps the rest on Katrina and spends his efforts on trying to find Lassard. Let loose, the other Police Academy officers manage to be tricked by Konali into arresting him while he’s making a charitable donation.

Konali, for all his cartoonish villainy, has big plans. The Game having been more successful than he thought, he sees the opportunity for The Game 2, that will include some backdoor hacking software. When people eager to play The Game 2 install it on computers he will have access, including he hopes to police and government computers.

Sadly neither the addition of Perlman in full manic comic villain mode, nor Christoper Lee as serious Russian policeman lift this late and rather limp addition to the film franchise. The manic crudeness of the original at least raised some nervous laughs, and propelled the film forward. None of the new characters have anything interesting or funny going on, and of the returning ones only Harris, still gamely and vainly trying to self-promote himself makes an impression. With both Mahoney and Hightower gone he no longer has a nemesis to contend with. One or two of the setpieces managed to make me smirk, though they were generic slapstick.

Watch This: Police Academy enters the 90s with computers and newly open Russia
Don’t Watch This: Tired, mostly unfunny comedy that has lost whatever energy and interest it ever had

* Yes, Police Academy has discovered computer crime.

2. Superman III

Out of work Gus Gorman (Richard Pryor) takes a computer programming course, learns to do things that normally can’t be done. Getting a job at Webscoe he embezzles money through the computer system, by diverting all fractional cent amounts to his expenses. Discovered by Ross Webster (Robert Vaughn) he’s then blackmailed by him to do his dirty work, in combination with his sister Vera (Annie Ross) and girlfriend Lorelei (Pamela Stephenson).

(There’s an entertaining sequence where Lorelei, a beautiful woman in a figurehugging outfit, is walking down a Metropolis street distracting passersby, which causes chaos including a car filling with water from a fire hydrant, threatening to drown the driver until Superman rescues them)

Meanwhile Clark Kent goes back to his high school reunion, on the way having to change into Superman when a chemical plant catches fire. Back there he meets his high school sweetheart, Lana Lang, and they hit it off, including getting on well with her son Ricky, who is a Superman fan. She’s being hassled by a guy called Brad, and Clark suggests she might make a fresh start, perhaps in Metropolis*.

Webster heads up a coffee cartel and he’s got a lock on all the world’s coffee supply, except for Colombia. Webster and Gorman come up with a plan to reverse a US weather satellite and so wreck the coffee crop. (This then links into a bit in the Daily Planet office where Perry White, the editor, had to draw a sweepstake winner for a holiday to Colombia). This doesn’t work because Superman flies down and saves the day. Remembering that Superman’s weakness is Kryptonite they get the satellite to analyse a Kryptonite meteor, but some of it’s make up is unknown, so Gorman, inspired by his cigarettes, replaces the unknown with tar, and they make some fake Kryptonite.

Ricky asked Superman to his birthday, and Smallville takes it to be a Superman celebration. Gorman and Vera impersonate US Army soldiers and give Superman a medal, made of fake Kryptonite. This doesn’t weaken him, but he becomes surly, selfish and bad-tempered, performing pranks such as blowing out the Olympic flame and straightening the Tower of Pisa.

Webster decides to try something more audacious, and gets Gorman to divert all oil tankers to the middle of the Atlantic so he can corner the oil market. Gorman agrees, though in return he asks Webster to build his dream supercomputer, which includes a whole bunch of defences. One oil tanker won’t obey the computer instructions so Lorelei seduces Superman into stopping, and damaging the tanker.

Of course Superman hits rock bottom and has to face himself; literally splitting in two into the moral and upright Clark Kent and the dark, unshaven, Superman. They fight, Clark Kent wins and he goes on to face the supercomputer.

An interesting way to take the film series, by making it wackier and zanier, leaning into some of the more outlandish Superman stories. Casting Richard Pryor was always going to bring some comedy here. Still there’s more; Robert Vaughn as a conniving businessman (pre-figuring later Lex Luthors as billionaire criminals), with his severe and domineering sister and his beautiful girlfriend who hides her brains is a fun group who don’t quite ever reach their potential. The almost cartoonish death trap that every Metropolis street hides is fun. The banter between Lana and Clark isn’t bad, but this is yet another woman who keeps swapping topics in mid-conversation leading to slightly tired misunderstandings, feeling like it’s from an older style of romantic comedy, slightly lacklustre even then. Ricky, the kid, seems from the same period as those light-hearted romantic comedies, but is the stock kid sidekick from adventure films. The fake kryptonite making Superman not so much evil as just grumpy, rude and wanting to get drunk is good.

Watch This: Superman fights himself, and also the most dangerous of enemies – computers
Don’t Watch This: Very slight, the villains not even having Lex Luthor’s sleazy confidence

* Lois Lane, Superman’s usual love interest, is on holiday in Bermuda, where she accidentally runs into a giant corruption story. Presumably after the events of Superman II, he’s given up on a relationship with her.

3. Robin Hood (2018)

Robin Of Loxley is the lord of a manor outside Nottingham, enjoying life with his lover Marian. Then he gets a draft notice and has to leave for Arabia on the Third Crusade. With the ruined buildings, bombardment, yellow filtered light and dusty desert uniforms, this is filmed to look like modern contemporary war films, perhaps set in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Robin’s commander, Guy Gisborne, questions prisoners by executing them one by one. A man (Jamie Foxx) begs for his son's life; the son is killed despite Robin’s intervention and Robin is sent home in disgrace.

Things aren’t any better at home. Meeting his friend Friar Tuck, he learns the Sheriff of Nottingham had him declared dead and took his lands; he’s also vastly expanded the mines across the river*, exiling citizens there to work it. All this for the war effort via Cardinal Franklin.

The man whose son he failed to save, John, contacts him and they make a plan. Robin trains to become a hooded vigilante who steals taxes and returns them to the people. He also reveals himself as himself, appearing to be a bit of a playboy, supporting the Sheriff in public, and revealing ambitions in private.

It turns out the reason they’re squeezing so hard is they’re not just funding the English army, they’re bribing the Saracens as well. It’s a plot by the church to have the king killed so they can take power.

It’s stylised and anachronistic, and that’s not bad. But stylised rather than stylish and it doesn’t seem to settle on what it is, taking bits from other genres. It’s got a bit of War-On-Terror films and Christoper Nolan Batman films (in themselves influenced by War on Terror). And it’s heist films too, and like all such has been influenced by the Marvel superhero stable. And a weird conspiracy on top of that, seems a bit much.

Watch This: Some good actions bits and a few clever uses of modern imagery in supposedly medieval settings
Don’t Watch This: Confused, visually busy, forgettable and overlong, doesn’t use it’s best ideas very well

* The geography of Nottingham is probably as accurately depicted as the history of the period.

4. Journey To The Centre Of The Earth (2008)

Volcanologist Trevor Anderson (Brendan Fraser) discovers his laboratory is getting closed down, ten years after his brother Max vanished… somewhere. His brother was a Vernian, believing that the books of Jules Verne gave clues as to real world places. He also planted seismic sensors all over the world, three of which are still working. As he considers his future, a fourth one comes on, in Iceland.

In all this excitement he’s forgotten that his 13 year old nephew Sean (Josh Hutcherson) is coming to stay for a couple of weeks. They fly to Iceland, hoping to meet a scientist Max was in contact with there. They encounter Hannah (Anita Briem), the scientist’s daughter who informs them he was also a Vernian, but has died. As a mountain guide she takes them up the mountain. A lightning storm forces them into a cave, which collapses, forcing them deeper into the mountain, into an abandoned mine.

Obviously they’re forced deeper into the earth via a variety of unlikely coincidences, arriving on the shore of an underworld sea, where they discover Max has died. Information from Max’s journal suggests a way out, across the sea, and that the temperature will soon rise to a deadly amount, so they will have to hurry.

(The lush undergrowth might regrow after these periodic heat waves, but the large animals do not seem likely to survive, nor Max’s shelter etc. Don’t worry about it!)

It’s a modern family friendly underground adventure. There’s a few sections where the combinations of not-quite-there effects (perhaps better in 3-D), dubious world-building and poor character decision making combine to annoy me. But the charisma of the actors pulls it through, and if something bad is happening on screen then something different and a bit cooler will turn up soon. I didn’t even mind the kid, who goes from surly to enthusiastic.

Watch This: Pacy underground adventure for all ages
Don’t Watch This: Just one unlikely rollercoaster after another

5. Raffles (1939)

A J Raffles (David Niven) is a socialite and successful cricketer; he is also The Amateur Cracksman, a daring thief who cocks a snook at Scotland Yard. He steals a valuable painting, then when a reward is offered it appears with an old and poor schoolteacher who claims it. After a daring jewel robbery he decides to marry his old flame Gwen Manders (Olivia de Haviland), and sends back the necklace in a cigarette packet. Unfortunately he left the cigarettes on a table at the club and his friend, Bunny Manders, wrote down Lord Melrose’s telephone number while leaning on it so there’s a clue.

At Lord Melrose’s for the weekend (playing cricket by day) Bunny confesses to Raffles. He lost heavily at gambling and borrowed his regimental mess funds to make up the difference, losing them as well. He needs £10,000, and by Monday when the accounts are due. He’s considering suicide rather than disgrace. Raffles says he will get him the money, planning to steal Lady Melrose’s fabulous necklace. Things get rather complicated when Inspector Mackensie arrives, following up on the telephone number clue and Bunny accidentally gives away Raffle’s cigarette brand and the school they went to. Meanwhile one of the maids plots with a much less famous burglar to steal the gems.

This all gets a bit confused, the twists and turns diving in on each other. It’s not quite at the top of its game, Raffles spending a lot of time looking on uncomfortably as the inspector laboriously drags out another half clue that doesn’t quite put the blame on him, rather than enjoying himself putting one over them. Meanwhile the various burglary machinations are as often confusing as cunning or concealed.

Watch This: Amusing, witty crime caper
Don’t Watch This: It gets bogged down, losing pace in the middle

6. Robocop 3

OCP has finally got control of the bankrupt City of Detroit, and plans to rebuild it as Delta City. To do that they need to clear out the inhabitants. The police keep wanting to do things like due process and appropriate levels of force so OCP bring in Rehab officers, private security recruited from veterans of the Amazonian campaigns led by McDaggett. While clearing houses the parents of Nikko, a computer whizkid, are killed and she goes on the run, ending up in a shelter in a church.

So far so dystopian. There are complications. OCP has been bought out by the Kanemitsu Corporation, a Japanese zaibatsu, because of course they have, this is Cyberpunk, everything will end up owned by Japan. They are dubious of OCP’s abilities. There’s also a resistance movement, willing to fight back against the Rehab officers.

Enter Robocop. When Rehab officers attack the shelter in the church Robocop and his partner Anne Lewis intervene. Robocop can’t act against OCP officer (his fourth directive) and Lewis is killed. They escape underground and discover the resistance; Robocop has Dr Lazarus come and fix him, also delete the fourth directive.

The film thinks it’s asking the question, if corporate fascist thugs were in control of the city, would police support the people who pay them or the citizens. However it’s also asking, if the people in charge of the police cut their pay and pensions, treat them with contempt and put them in danger, would they oppose them. Well we know the answer to that one.

Less gory than Robocop 2, and with less to say. Except possibly about Japan, the Kanemitsu Corporation has cyber-ninjas they send as troubleshooters, and to provide Robocop with an enemy that can go toe-to-toe with him. This ended the original film series, and perhaps just as well. Although not precisely tired they do seem to be scraping the barrel for ideas (killing Anne to motivate Robocop, jet pack, ninjas etc). On the other hand seeing what they did when they rebooted the film, maybe they should have kept at it. If the satire’s a bit blunt and not especially interesting, at least it’s there, pointing fingers at things that deserve to be mocked.

Watch This: Robocop upholds the public trust, protects the innocent
Don’t Watch This: Lacking inspiration and without the trademark violence

7. The Amityville Horror (1979)

George and Kathy Lutz, along with Kathy’s three children from a previous marriage, move into their new home which needs some work. Once reason it needs work is that it’s been vacant for the last year as a family was murdered there; a member of the family killed his father, mother, sisters and brothers. That’s also how they can afford it.

Kathy’s a Roman Catholic (George seems uninterested in religious matters) and asked Father Delaney to bless the house; he arrives while the family are out at the boat house, and is swarmed by flies and has to leave. The next day Kathy’s aunt, a nun, comes to visit, and also has to leave.

Kathy gets nightmares; George wakes up every night at 3:15 AM, the time the family were killed. Amy, the daughter, has an imaginary friend called Jody who seems evil. One of the boys gets his hand caught in the door. Before they go to Kathy’s brother’s engagement party the cash for the caterer disappears, and that night Amy’s babysitter gets locked in a closet and breaks down crying (the door has no lock).

Father Delaney tries to intervene, but his car breaks down and he can’t get through on the phone. He tries to get the diocese to help, but they don’t take it seriously. The wife of George’s business partner senses evil over the house. Research suggests it’s both an old Native American burial ground and also the house of a devil worshipper which seems a bit much*.

It's based on a true story, in that the Lutz family moved into 112 Ocean Avenue and a month later fled the place after inexplicable events, and also that previously a man killed his family members there. They then told (sold) their story to have it written as a book, and then turned into a film. Where then is the truth? At this level of fabrication (the real George Lutz claimed the book, which the film embroiders somewhat, is “mostly true”) it's hard to say.

But enough of that. Is the film good? It’s pretty good in an understated 1970s haunted house way. It’s best when it shows people breaking down under the strain of something. The effects are not especially good when it trues to show supernatural happenings. To circle back to “truth,” it’s the based-on-a-true-story label that got this made and made it a hit. And in turn led to the many, many sequels.

Watch This: Seminal horror film with some strong haunted house sequences
Don’t Watch This: It’s exploiting real tragedy and claiming to be true when it isn’t

* It is a bit much; in reality scholars, both Native American and otherwise, do not believe this is the case.

8. The Man With The Golden Gun

James Bond, 007 (Roger Moore), is called into the office of M, his boss at British Intelligence. They’ve been sent a golden bullet with his name on it. They believe this is a threat from infamous hitman Francisco Scaramanga, once a circus trickshot artist, then an assassin for the KGB before going freelance, with a fee of one million dollars. M dismisses him*.

Bond looks up previous targets of Scaramanga, also recalls that he has a third nipple (?). He goes to Beirut where an agent was killed; discovers the golden bullet in the navel of a belly dancer. Analysed by Q, they determine it was made by Macao-based freelance weapon designer Lazar. He threatens Lazar, and follows the next packet of golden bullets, which are picked up by Andrea Anders, who then travels to Hong Kong.

Anders is Scaramanga’s mistress and he forces her to tell him where he will be; the Bottom’s Up Club that night. Bond lies in wait outside, but instead another man is shot. Bond is arrested, only to discover that he was walked into the very operation he was taken off. The dead man is Gibson, M is out in Hong Kong (in a coolly askew secret base inside the sunken liner Queen Elizabeth) to try and retrieve the Solex agitator. Obviously this is missing.

What’s been a tightly plotted thriller up to now gets a bit wacky. Hi Fat, a Thai industrialist, is suspected of being after the Solex agitator and has the money. Bond travels to Bangkok to meet him, posing as Scaramanga with a fake extra nipple. Oddly Hi Fat has never heard of James Bond so can’t have put the contract on him. Scaramanga has heard of him (as we know from the prologue) and has already met Hi Fat so this is a trap. A kung fu sequence followed by a boat chase ensues, and re-introduces fan favourite character from Live And Let Die, Sheriff J W Pepper. Bond is then tracked down by Anders who reveals that it was she who sent the bullet; she wants to escape Scaramanga and believes Bond is the only man who can protect her. Because Scaramanga believes Bond to be his only rival in the art of assassination. Maybe she should have mentioned this when they met before? Bond agrees, if she retrieves the Solex agitator. This goes wrong, Anders is killed and Bond’s assistant Mary Goodnight is kidnapped by Scaramanga in his flying car (?) while she’s got the Solex. This leads inevitably to Bond following Goodnight’s tracking device and a duel in Scaramanga’s secret island lair.

How does this stack up? It’s got the whimsy that the Roger Moore era of Bond films was famous for. It’s still got a lot of the absolutely terrible treatment of women that it’s less famous for. Moore still relatively young, his smooth charm at it’s height, make him if anything more menacing than Connery, which has been mostly forgotten (and as the series progressed was written out more and more).

Scaramanga is a classic villain, remembered as a serious and dangerous hitman. And this is projected by Christopher Lee’s affable charm, his enjoyment in killing. Because his backstory is that his best friend at the circus was an elephant, and when the elephant was killed he killed the man who did it and learned he liked killing. Also he has a golden gun with golden bullets, three nipples and has sex only before he goes out to kill. This could be very wacky, but isn’t thanks to Lee’s performance and Moore raises his acting game when he faces him.

Watch This: A highlight of the Moore era, with the villain’s presentation and performance unmatched
Don’t Watch This: Bond gets lots of people killed, blunders about failing to achieve his goals, falling into traps

* Who would want to kill Bond? ”Jealous husbands, outraged chefs**, humiliated tailors, the list is endless," says M. He then takes Bond off his assignment, looking for a scientist named Gibson and the Solex agitator***, and puts him on leave, not offering him any assistance or protection. MI6 has a very strange policy for dealing with threats to their employees.

** Scrambled Eggs James Bond

*** The energy crisis! “Coal and oil will soon be depleted, uranium is too dangerous, geothermal, tidal control too expensive…”

9. The Exorcist: Believer

In Haiti Victor and Sorrene Fielding are caught in an earthquake; doctors insist Victor must choose between the pregnant Sorrene and their child. Thirteen years later he and Angela live in Georgia; Victor has raised Angela on his own, and has also allowed his faith in God to lapse. One day after school Angela and her friend Katherine go into the woods and hold a séance, disappearing for three days during which there is a massive search.

The girls are found, unharmed other than burned feet. They then deteriorate; Ann, Victor’s neighbour who is a nurse at the hospital, believes they are possessed. Ann learned about possession as part of her preparing and failing to become a nun, she gives Victor a book by Chris MacNeil, the mother from The Exorcist. Chris has studied exorcism rites all around the world in many cultures; unfortunately she is estranged from her daughter Regan who disliked all the publicity.

Chris comes and tries a ritual; Angela stabs her in the eyes with a crucifix. Victor and Katherine’s parents gather together a variety of spiritual leaders from various traditions. (It’s perhaps worth mentioning that Victor and Angela are black, and Katherine’s family white, and Baptists). The Catholic priest doesn’t get permission from his superiors but the others are from less hierarchical religions. They gather for an ecumenical exorcism.

This is where the horror and gore comes to a head, and also the heart of the film. (We never do find out what happened on those three days). Victor made his choice thirteen years ago, and now the demon insists that they make another choice. Who will live and who will die.

As a film it’s decidedly less ambiguous than The Exorcist, while at the same time spreading the spirituality about a bit. All cultures have exorcisms? Well I guess, though that kind of makes the Catholic angst seem a bit pointless.

Watch This: Horror film with some genuine creepiness and whose revelation relies of a clever mix of truth and lies, at it’s best when it sticks to real life horror (the girls going missing/returning procedures)
Don’t Watch This: Inferior exorcism film

10. North West Frontier

On the North West Frontier of British India about 1900 there is a Muslim uprising against a Hindu Maharajah. The Maharajah asks Captain Scott (Kenneth More) to get his six year old son away; the British make a daring escape with the son and his American governess Mrs Wyatt (widow of a doctor) (Lauren Bacall). However when they get to Haserabad they have missed the last train and the city is besieged.

Worried the city might fall they consider options. Gupta in the railway yard reckons the old Empress Of India locomotive, used as a shunting engine, will make the journey to Kalapur, if it has only one carriage. To avoid panic, and maintain surprise they keep the passenger list short, with Scott, two Indian soldiers and Gupta making up the crew and defenders; the prince, Mrs Wyatt, the governor’s wife, an arms dealer, the elderly Mr Peters and nosy Dutch journalist Van Leyden (Herbert Lom) who has uncovered the plan.

There follows various escapades, some fun daring escapes, discovering the terrible massacre of the train in front, where Mrs Wyatt, ignoring orders to leave it, discovers a single survivor, a baby, a couple of shoot-outs and some lovely train-crossing the countryside shots (these filmed in Spain). There’s some discussion of war, blaming the arms dealer, the journalist, the British, the locals etc.

They need to fill up with water, finding the station wrecked they have to work to get the pump going. A bridge is damaged, but they manage to get across. They’re attacked. And one person on the train doesn’t want it to arrive.

A classic bit of British adventure fiction. As ever with these in the late twentieth century, after Indian Independence, the British Raj is questioned, the inevitability of it ending hanging over the story. And if that’s the case, what of these efforts to preserve a prince to restore order to a region? War, huh, what is it good for? Still, it’s not interrogated, the British get off with reasonable doubt.

Watch This: Cool old-school train-centric adventure film
Don’t Watch This: Despite the efforts of a couple of Indian characters, it’s mostly interested in what White people think about India