Chores

 

12 months ago this tale of climbing a ladder and overhearing the neighbours was provided for subscribers to my Patreon. Now it has climbed the ladder over the paywall and can be seen by all.

****

I’m up a ladder trimming the Boston Ivy and I can hear the neighbours arguing on the other side of the wall.

“Will you stop digging that hole!”

“Christ alive woman, can’t a man have a hobby? You complain that I’m cluttering up the house all day so I find an outdoor activity. Healthy exercise even. And now…”

“Stop digging when I’m talking to you.”

I don’t turn around. I’m on a ladder, I might fall. Worse, they might notice me earwigging. I’d seen the work being done in their garden. Well sort of. The fence is taller than I am and the hedge on the far side even taller.

Still, the mound at the end had been visible for years. Mound? Say perhaps tower. I’d seen him taking his wheelbarrow around the spiral ramp, four turns, now five to dump spoil at the top. I’d thought this to be his hobby, but it turned out it was just the spoil.

“You spend all your time down there, never with me. Like I was telling Edna, I haven’t had a decent conversation in weeks.”

There is a mumbling response. A crow flies in, lands on the gutter. It looks at me, and I look back. It nods towards next door, then takes off over there.

“Have you got people down there? You have!” There is a crash and a caw. “You’re eating prawn fried rice and drinking tea. And these people are Chinese. Have you been smuggling them in from China?”

“Don’t be silly woman. This is the Chens. They run The Lucky House on the corner.”

“Hello Mrs Johnson.”

“Oh I’m sorry. I’m so silly. Digging a tunnel to China. What must you think of me?”

“It’s no problem. Please, have some tea. Your husband brought it to us from our cousin’s farm.”

I cut the last strand, carefully avoiding the cable from the satellite dish. There. All this talk of food is making me hungry. Time for lunch. Then I can do the other side, and find out what the Crippensteins were up to.