The Mermaid's Tale Floating Bar And Grill

 

Last year this was a patron reward for subscribers to my Patreon to frown at. Now it's free to all, and just as puzzling.

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The Mermaid’s Tale Floating Bar And Grill

“There’s no such thing as mermaids,” said the man on the tiny stage at the far end of the blue and green bar. He got some boozy boos in reply. “No such thing,” he repeated.

“How do you explain this,” said Sally from where she tended bar in the tub. She splashed with her tail, water spraying out to the waiting drinkers. They complained, more about the delay than the soaking; everyone knew you were in for a soaking when you drank here.

“Tomfoolery,” said the man. “Mer- comes from the word for sea, and although we are floating – arguably all at sea – you are in a tub. Nor are you a maid.”

“Well I…”

“A barmaid. A bar-mer-maid,” cried out a wit.

“A mer-bar-maid,” replied another, at least half as witty.

“In fact I do believe that Sally is the landlady, in many ways the exact opposite of a mermaid.”

The crowd thought he had made a good point. Clearly he was on a losing wicket, denying the most famous inhabitants of Siren Bay in their own amphibious home. Yet he was playing the game as well as he could. The water clock gurgled, warning him his time was coming to an end.

“Let me sum up. To combine warm mammalian flesh with cold-blooded piscine structure is impossible, the name as awkward a chimera as such a creature would be. There are no mermaids, and so, there is no Mermaid’s Tale Floating Bar And Grill.”

The clock chimed. There were claps and jeers as he stepped off and went to the bar to be given a cold beer and a fresh waffle. “Next up,” said the compere, “Gary Lupe will deny the existence of the moon.” The crowd looked out the wide windows where a sliver of white could just be seen above the tropical horizon.

The man shook his head as a furry man with fox-ears came to the stage. “Not a fan?” said Sally.

“Sounds like a shaggy dog tale.”