Liner Notes for The Adventure of the Fraudulent Trebuchet
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Liner Notes 2
Eight years ago I made my first foray into web-cartooning with a series of trebuchet pictures and captions. Fortunately I don’t do that kind of thing any more (Monster of the Week every Tuesday on my twitter, Patreon and this blog).
If you’re interested you can put ‘trebuchet memes’ into the search engine of your choice and boy will you find some stuff.
Anyway I’ve learned a fair amount about trebuchets over the years, in various incarnations. History nerd, wargame nerd, fantasy nerd, applied physics nerd. The Barnstone Castle trebuchet based on Edward I’s War-Wolf is cribbed from Warwick Castle’s trebuchet, based on that same War-Wolf, which was real. I wouldn’t make that up. All the facts and figures are based on the historical record of War-Wolf, historians’ calculations and inferences from the evidence and/or the experiences of the re-creation at Warwick Castle.
Yes, 22 tonnes, 30 carts, 150 kg stones. Half an hour to work the treadmills to shoot it again. Of course a motor could do it quicker but then it’s not a re-creation. And if you shot the thing every five minutes it wouldn’t be a big thing to gather all the visitors and make each one an event. Also more wear and tear, so your big tourist attraction will need more regular repairs...
I’m perhaps a little cynical, maybe because I’ve been having to figure out Lacey’s business practices and have come to the conclusion that she may not be in a good financial state in the long term.
The general pointlessness of a trebuchet to do, well, anything in the modern era is mostly my own reflection. Once you’ve got gunpowder traction and torsion war machines are a lot of effort for much smaller effects. Using one to launch a hang glider would be possible but foolish; certainly a copy of War-Wolf which releases boulders at 120 mph would destroy the wings and send the pilot plummeting to their death. Worse still, a bunch of students couldn’t put it together in a weekend, not without a crane.
My solution is rubbish in other words. I apologise for that. When something is stolen it’s usually so it can be sold. The cowboy builder or timber merchant is a much more sensible resolution to the situation. On the other hand petty revenge and joy-riding are also common motives. And unless the crime has at least a tiny element of the unusual, why bother writing a story about it?
The nosy neighbour is an interesting character. Most people walk through life concentrating on their own business, not so much uninterested in what goes on around them as too tired to see the details. Not so the neighbour. Perhaps a stay-at-home parent of school-age children or a retiree, with plenty of tasks to keep them occupied, but not quite enough to fill their mind. The old lady detective (Miss Marple, Jessica Fletcher) is the epitome of this trope, though really Jessica should be concentrating on writing, not running off looking into every weird occurrence that comes her way.
I don’t know anything about avoiding writing by getting caught up in other people’s adventures. Of course.
Mark is shaping up as a big supporting character. So I shall immediately cut him out of the next story as much as possible. No one will take focus away from Lacey and crime-solving! No just kidding, every time Lacey needs technical help, or non-technical help, she will bug Mark. Why aren’t they a romantic item? If it comes up in a story I will explain it. Anyway Lacey is concentrating on her work for the moment, she’s been through a lot with the broken engagement etc.
I’m a bit rude about Wales here, so let me just say that I am told that Snowdonia is excellent for hang gliding and hiking and everyone should visit, preferably during the two weeks of good weather they get every year.
Lacey is drinking ambient temperature lager at lunchtime during early spring. I don’t recommend this but if you must then her advice is right; don’t get a cheap one or the chemical flavour will come through when it warms up. Unless you like that taste! Still, they’re better chilled, that’s the point, the flavours are muted by the temperature so they taste good like that.
If there’s anything to take away from this story (and no, there probably isn’t) then Lacey’s advice that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure might be taken to heart. The time to think about security is at the start of a project. Also during the planning and also when it takes place. Not after something goes wrong.
Though that’s human nature, you can’t plan for what you don’t expect and experience is expensive.
Oh, also, don’t skimp on your promises to workers, even if they’re volunteers. Look at that. Two morals to the story! It’s practically a fable.
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