Fire Drill

 

Twelve months ago subscribers to my Patreon were subjected to this frankly absurd fire drill. Now it has been released into the wild so everyone can experience it.

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There’s a bear playing the piano in the corner, but everyone else is ignoring it so I do too.

“So here’s the plan. Jones goes in, engages the clerk in conversation. That’s when Botsy falls down the stairs – make it look good Botsy, not like last time. Drama, not slapstick. A bit of fake blood never hurt anyone. Jones has them call the emergency services. That’s when Gill and Jack start drilling from next door. Two and a half minutes later, I come in dressed like a fireman.”

Botsy frowned at this. “You always dress up. And fake blood – very theatrical. We’re not putting on a play.”

We all hush him, wanting the whole plan before we poke holes in it.

“I start with first aid. As the drilling reaches the safe, Jones sets off the fire alarm and I clear everyone out, so no one can hear the burglar alarm. We load everyone up into the fire engine, keep everyone’s eyes on us. Gill and Jack empty the safe, come out and we leave.” He shrugged. “I suppose you’ll be dressed as firemen as well. Oh, and the stuff will be in you equipment bags.”

“Where do we get a fire engine?” “What if a real fireman turns up?” “What’s in the safe.”

The boss grins at us. “Already got the truck. Jones makes sure they call for an ambulance. And something that will make us rich.”

I raise a hand to jeers, then discreetly point at the bear. “What’s up with the bear playing piano?”

The bear hits a sudden, loud, minor chord and growls at us. “No one else is goin’ to drive my fire engine.”