I Watch Movies: Alien: Covenant

I’m not saying that the company skimped on the windows they put in the landing vehicles on the colony ship Covenant. But I do think that the quarantine glass on the lander medical bay and the windshield on the cockpit of the cargo lander ought to stand up to more than one or two headbutts from a xenomorph.

SPOILERS for Alien: Covenant by the way.

So here’s Covenant, trapped between Prometheus and Alien, trying to navigate between the stupid excitement married to faux-profound musings on the origin of humanity of the former and the elegant horror bonkersness of the latter. Perhaps inevitably it is the second option it tends towards. Though maybe not so elegant.

The good news, especially for Michael Fassbender fans, is that it embodies the alternative viewpoints in two different Fassbenders. Unfortunately one of those views is very bad, and the other is stupid. Still, this does mean we get Fassbender debating Fassbender about love vs duty; Fassbender snogging Fassbender; and, inevitably, Fassbender fighting Fassbender.

Watch This: If you want more Alien, with a new and ridiculous origin story, even though the series passed its peak some time ago (Alien vs Predator: Requiem)

Don’t Watch This: If you are tired of Alien and the constant need to give us new versions of the xenomorph, this idea having passed its peak some time ago (Alien vs Predator: Requiem)